The Flames of my Life.

Note!

2008-11-28T19:06:00.001+08:00

Hey guys, I've made a new blog for a school assignment! The link is at the side bar. You can find new postings and recipes there too! Cheers!

Mini Chicken Burgers!

2008-11-05T00:10:00.002+08:00

Mini Chicken Burgers!

Cute and tasty. easy to prepare sandwiches with sliced buns, a mayonnaise spread, butter lettuce, chicken patties and melted emmental cheese!

Chicken Patties

Ingredients:

400 gm minced chicken

1 shallot (minced)

12 white button mushrooms (diced)

Cooking oil as needed

2 tbsp white wine

A scattering of parsley

Salt and pepper

Cooking method:

1) Using a food processor or a meat grinder, grind the minced chicken until it is totally soft, sticky and smooth. Reserve under refridgeration.

2) Add the oil into a small saute pan and heat it up. Add the shallots and sweat until the aroma is present. Add the mushrooms and saute for about half a minute and add the wine.

3) Cook until the mixture is dry and season with salt.

4) Add the mushroom mixture and parsley into the ground chicken and using hands, mix and mash the ground chicken until it is evenly mixed. Season with salt and pepper.

5) Test for seasoning by cooking a small piece of the meat in a saute pan. When satisfied with the results, shape into small patties and saute until both sides have browned and it is cooked through inside, reaching an internal temperature of 74 degrees. You can also check the internal heat of the chicken by using a metal testing pin.

6) After the patties are cooked, top with the cheese and melt it in an oven at 200 degrees for a few minutes. Remove from the oven.

7) Assemble the burger.

Shrimp Appetiser

2008-11-05T00:05:00.003+08:00

Shrimp Appetiser

This is also another one of my presentation ideas made of:

3 pieces of prawn cracker

Mustard

Chili Sauce

4 pieces of deep fried shrimp

A pinch of dill

2 pieces of butter lettuce

I would have done better but this was what I happened to have at home at the time =x.

The batter for the shrimp is simply:

1 egg

Flour and water

I never measured the quantity of flour and water. Simply mix them together until they form a smooth batter as thick as pancake batters. Dip the prawns into them and deep fry until golden brown! Serve!

Creme Brulee cake

2008-11-04T23:56:00.004+08:00

Custard Cake

This is a birthday cake I made for my mother on her birthday haha. I used graham cracker crust

with butter (cheesecake base) as the base of this cake and filled it with the creme brulee custard.

I baked it in a water bath in the oven according to creme brulee recipe. I chilled and unmolded

the cake and topped it with sugared strawberry compote and garnished it with chopped

pistachio. It is a very simple cake. I will not be providing the recipe however =x. I didn't really

think that it is that big a success haha. Too much custard in a mouthful is too much. I would

consider this for smaller cakes =)

Chicken Skewers

2008-11-04T23:36:00.004+08:00

Chicken Skewers

This is another very simple appetiser made based on a tightly controlled budget =x

Ingredients:

400 gm Chicken breast/thigh

2 tbspn Oyster sauce

2 tbspn Soy sauce

2 tbsp Hua Diao Jiu

1 Capsicum of any color

1 scattering of fine salt

Honey (optional)

Dark Sauce (optional for darker colored chicken)

Cooking method:

1) Cut the breast/thigh into bite sized cubes and marinate with the sauces and the wine as well as salt.

2) Cut the capsicum into flat squares roughly the same size as a chicken cube.

3) Skewer the chicken and capsicum alternately through bamboo skewers that have been soaked in water for at least an hour. This prevents the skewers from blackening during cooking.

4) Bake the skewers in a convection oven until it is cooked through and the capsicum is slightly blackened at the edges. If you are using honey, brush the honey over the chicken once in a while during cooking, turning it as it cooks. I personally would rather grill or barbeque the skewers but I didn't have the luxury of a flame grill at home.

Note: One flaw with this dish might be that it is too dry, especially if it is chicken breast you are using. Drizzle a little oyster sauce or melted butter or prepare a light tasting sauce of your own preference.

Chicken thighs should be good on their own. The fat content is much higher, making the meat sweeter, juicier, sleek and more tender.

Egg Mayo Sandwich

2008-11-04T23:23:00.003+08:00

Egg Mayo Open-faced sandwich

Hi everyone. This is just a very basic sandwich. I'm only trying out a new presentation idea. =)

Bread base - Sliced french loaf/baguette that is toasted on both sides.

Filling- Egg Mayonnaise

Cooking method:

1) Boil the eggs in simmering water for about 12-15 mins.

2) Remove from water and let them cool in tap water.

3) Peel the shells and use the fine grate of a grater to grate the eggs into little pieces.

4) Add the mayonnaise to your desire, season with salt, pepper and a dash of tabasco sauce.

5) Spoon them onto the bread bases and garnish with chopped spring onion and sliced tomato.

Rocket Salad Sandwich

2008-10-21T22:13:00.004+08:00

Rocket Salad Sandwich

Rocket or Arugula leaves are Southern European and Mediterranean in origin and have become one of my favourite salad leaves. It goes beautifully with olive oil and sauteed mushrooms and thus I created this sandwich.

It is a very basic sandwich made using:

Half toasted white bread

Olive oil spread

A generous amount of arugula leaves

A fried egg

A slice of breakfast ham

And sliced sauteed shitake mushrooms with parsley

Would have added shaved parmesan cheese if I had some at home =x

(This is a sandwich originally created by Clarence Chue)

Nasi Lemak Kunning

2008-10-21T22:09:00.005+08:00

Nasi Lemak Kunning with Oriental Chicken and Sambal Kang Kong

This is one of my experiements on Asian home cooking plating design =)

Coffee Chantilly Cake

2008-09-25T15:30:00.003+08:00

Cherry Trifle

2008-09-25T15:29:00.002+08:00

Cherry Trifle

Custard:
720 ml Heavy cream
350 g Instant custard powder
875 ml fresh milk

Glaze:
226 g strawberries
114 g sugar (or to desired taste)
15g lemon juice (or to desired taste)

Filling:
255g vanilla sponge cake, cut into small cubes
500g canned cherries

Preparation method:
1) Whip the heavy cream to soft peaks and reserve under refrigeration.

2) Whip the custard powder and milk together for 3 minutes.

3) Combine the custard with just enough whipped cream until it becomes lighter and softer but has to be solid enough to pipe.

4) To prepare the glaze, blend the strawberries until smooth and cooking over a small fire, add the sugar and lemon juice, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Taste.

5) Fill each cup with a few cubes of sponge cake and cherries, dividing the recipe according to the size of cups.

6) Moisten each cake with a little of the canned cherry syrup. One may choose to add a little of the syrup to the strawberry glaze.

7) Using a piping bag, pipe a serving of the custard cream into each cup, again depending on the size of the cups prepared.

8) Flatten the layer of custard and glaze it with the strawberry sauce. Chill until it is ready to serve. Garnish with strawberries or cherries if desired.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

2008-09-25T15:28:00.000+08:00

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Creaming ingredients:
250 g butter
144 g sugar

Wet ingredients:
1½ egg
3 g vanilla essence

Dry ingredients:
3 g salt
430 g cake flour
5 g baking powder
5 g baking soda

Filling:
263 g chocolate chip
95g chopped walnut

1. Weigh out the ingredients according to their categories. Dry ingredients together, wet together and so on.

2. Place the creaming ingredients together in a mixing bowl and whip with a whip attachment on low speed until just combined.

3. Add the wet ingredients and whip until just combined.

4. Add the dry ingredients until just combined.

5. Add the filling and mix thoroughly until the entire cookie dough is one solid mass, yet moldable. The ingredients should be well mixed and evenly spread throughout.

6. Roll each cookie into a 5g-10g weight ball and flatten gently on a parchment lined sheet pan.

7. Bake at 180 degrees until the cookies are cooked through and browned. It should take about 10-15 minutes.

Caution* Do not over-whip the ingredients or the cookie will not bake well.

Banana Crumble

2008-09-25T15:25:00.001+08:00

Banana Crumble

Caramelized bananas:
1 bunch ripe bananas
227 g Sugar

Crumble:
100 g butter, chilled and cut into small pieces
146 g sugar
116 g cake flour
116 g ground almonds
1 pinch cinnamon powder

Preparation method:

1) Prepare aluminum cups for baking.

2) To prepare the caramel, add a little sugar to a pan and let it melt in a medium-hot pan. Continue adding the sugar, allowing each portion to fully melt before adding the next. Continue until all the sugar has been added and the caramel has reached its desired colour.

3) Add the bananas, coating it with the caramel until it has nicely browned and coated.

4) To prepare the crumble, mix together all the ingredients except the butter in a mixing bowl.

5) Add the butter one piece at a time, rubbing it together with the flour until it resembles course grains of sand. Continue adding until all the butter has been added.

6) Lay half of the aluminum cup with the bananas and top with the crumble until it is filled.

7) Bake in the oven at 180 degrees until the tops have turned brown and the crumble is cooked through.

8) Remove from the oven and dust with snow powder.

9) The crumble may be served warm or chilled.

Variations: Blueberry crumble and apple crumble. Try other fruits!

Tang Yuan (Plain)

2008-09-25T15:05:00.003+08:00

Tang Yuan (Plain)

Balls:
120 g glutinous rice flour
100g water
2 drops of Food colouring

Sugar syrup:
400ml water
1 pandan leaf
Sugar (to taste)

Other important preparations:
Pot of boiling water for cooking tang yuan
Cool water for rinsing cooked tang yuan
Wet cloths for tang yuan preparation

Cooking method:
1) Prepare the sugar syrup one night before by boiling the water and pandan leaf together, adding the sugar to desired sweetness.

2) Mix the flour and water together until it forms a mouldable paste resembling clay.

3) Add the desired food coloring and mix well.

4) Divide the paste into smaller pieces and roll each one into a small ball.

5) Place each rolled ball onto a plate covered with a wet cloth to prevent sticking.

6) Bring a pot of water to boil and have the Tang Yuan boil in the water until it floats on the surface.

7) Scoop out the floating balls and place them in a small bowl of cool water to rinse.

8) Place them in the prepared sugar syrup. Serve.

9) Repeat this process for different coloured Tang Yuan, always cooking the lighter colors before the darker ones.

Note*: Tang Yuan dough hardens when exposed to air for long periods of time. Be sure to cover the dough with a wet cloth if not using.

Home made Siew Mai

2008-09-25T15:01:00.002+08:00

Home-Made Siew Mai

Seasoning:
1 tsp Hua diao jiu
2 tbsp light soya sauce
½ tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
½ tsp sesame oil
2 tsp corn flour
1 egg
½ tsp white pepper

Filling:
285g minced pork
225g prawns, shelled and cut

Wrap:
115g square wanton skins

Cooking method:

1) Mix the seasoning ingredients in a small bowl.

2) Mix the filling ingredients together.

3) Add the seasoning and filling together, using a gloved hand to mix and mash the filling until it is evenly mixed and seasoned. The filling should resemble a meat paste.

4) Cut off the four corners of the wanton skin.

5) Place a tablespoon of filling in the middle of each skin and enclose the dumpling such that the filling is still visible from the top.

6) Brush the plate with a little oil and place the dumplings on the plate, flattening the base of each siew mai. Steam until the siew mai is cooked through.

7) Serve immediately with some chilli sauce.

Mushroom Crepe

2008-09-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

Mushroom Crepes

Crepe Ingredients (Makes 40 crepes)

9 eggs

63 honey

63 g sugar

100 g butter, melted

300 g cake flour

750 g milk

Sauteed mushrooms ingredients

For 1 crepe, 4 shitake mushrooms, cut into 1/4

Oil or butter as needed

A scattering of parsley

2 g garlic

Heavy cream as needed

Salt and pepper as needed

Cooking Method:

1) Heat a little oil or butter in a frying pan or saute pan and add the garlic, cooking until the aroma is apparent.

2) Add the mushrooms and stir-fry until it is soft.

3) Add the parsley and cream to desired texture. For a wetter mushroom mix, moisten with more cream. For a dryer mix, add just enough to coat the mushrooms.

4) Season with salt and pepper to taste. Remove from the pan and set aside.

5) Mix all crepe ingredients everything together with a whisk.

6) Heat a small, round, non-stick pan and ladle a little of the mixture into the pan and swirl it around to create a thin-pancake.

7) When the edges begin to brown, use a skewer or a small pair of tongs to lift up one side and then flip it over entirely.

8) Cook until both sides have turned an omelet-brown color.

9) Lay each one out, spoon a thin layer of mushroom onto the crepe. Roll up and serve.

Poached Warm Berries

2008-09-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

Poached Berries

This is a simple accompaniment to desserts. It creates a visual impact and gives variety of colour. Creatively used, it may be used to top warm cakes, eaten on its own, cooked and flamed with fruit liqueur or used to fill pies and crepes. It can be served with ice cream, whipped cream, nuts and other fruits.

Ingredients:

20 g butter

100 g Strawberries, washed and cut into quarters

100 g Blueberries

100 g Raspberries

100 ml hot water

100 g sugar

Cooking method:

1) Prepare the sugar syrup by dissolving the sugar into the hot water.

2) Melt the butter in a non-stick pan and heat it.

3) Add the blueberries and strawberries and coat them with the butter. Add the sugar syrup, just enough to lightly poach the berries.

4) After half a minute, add the raspberries and let the berries poach until the sugar syrup has reduced to a thick, saucy consistency.

5) Remove the berries to a plate and serve warm.

Banana Cream Baked Rice

2008-09-23T21:48:00.002+08:00

Banana Cream Baked Rice (original idea by Casandra Chai)

Cream sauce ingredients (makes 190 ml cream sauce)

15 g butter or oil

220 milk (prepare more for standby)

10g all purpose flour

25 g heavy cream
Salt as needed

Cooking method:

1) Heat the butter in a sauce pan. Add the flour and cook until a paste (roux) begins to form. Take care not to let the roux brown. If the paste doesn't form because of lack of flour or oil, add a little more.

2) Once the paste has formed, add the milk and whisk well. Keep on whisking until the milk comes to a boil. The sauce should thicken at this point.

3) Let the sauce simmer (small bubbles) until the sauce cooks smooth. Test the consistency of the sauce by dipping a spoon into it. The sauce should be thick enough to coat the back of the spoon.

4) If the sauce is too thick, thin it with more milk.

5) Add the cream into the sauce and stir. It is ready for use.

Ingredients for Banana baked rice

100 g cooked white rice
40 g sliced ripe bananas
Grated mozarella cheese as needed
Cream sauce as needed (recipe above or buy Prego)

Salt or sugar to taste

Cooking method:

1) Cook the rice and cream together in a small pan until the rice is evenly coated with the cream. Season with salt and taste. For a sweet rice dish, add no salt but add a little sugar.

2) Place the rice in a small pan, ramekin or bowl. Press the sliced bananas into the rice. Add as many as you desire.

3) Top the rice with the grated cheese, ensuring that no rice is exposed and bake in an oven until the cheese turns brown. Serve warm.

Note* If the rice dish is very deep, one may wish to add layers of cheese inside the rice as well as the top.

Cold Carrot Soup

2008-09-23T17:22:00.003+08:00

Cold Carrot Soup

Ingredients

160 g carrots, peeled

250 g vegetable/chicken stock

1 g garlic

9 g sliced onions

1/2 shallot

Oil as needed

6 ml white wine

20 g yoghurt

75 ml carrot juice

75 ml orange juice

Cooking method

1) Slice the carrots as thin as possible in any way, shape and size, discarding the head and tail of the carrot.

2) Add a table spoon of oil (or more) to a soup pot and begin to saute the onions, garlic and shallots together until an aroma is evident.

3) Add the thinly sliced carrots and saute them until they have become slightly soft.

4) Add the stock, wine and orange juice and bring the soup to a boil.

5) Reduce the soup to a simmer and place a lid over the pot and let the carrots simmer until a fork is able to pierce them without resistance.

6) Use a blender to blend the soup mixture into a course orange carrot paste.

7) Pour the orange paste into a bowl and add the yoghurt. Add enough carrot juice to thin the paste until it reaches the texture and consistency of a soup. For a thicker soup, add less juice and for a more watery soup, add more juice.

8) Chill overnight or until it is thoroughly chilled and serve.

Tomato Baked Rice

2008-09-23T17:14:00.003+08:00

Tomato baked rice

Ingredients

100 g cooked white rice

5 g sliced white onions

20 g minced pork

20 g sliced shitake mushrooms

Grated mozarella cheese as needed

Prego tomato sauce as needed

Cooking method

1) Saute the onions in a small non-stick pan until the onions have emitted an aroma.

2) Add the mushrooms and minced pork and saute until the mushrooms are soft and the pork has turned brown.

3) Add the rice and mix thorougly. Add enough tomato sauce to just coat the rice.

4) Season with salt and pepper and taste.

5) Place the rice mixture into a small baking dish, porcelain bowl, cake pan or ramekin and cover the top of the rice mixture with grated cheese. Ensure that all the rice is covered to prevent burning.

6) Place it in a convection oven or salamander until the cheese has melted and turned brown. Serve immediately.

Mango Granite

2008-09-23T17:08:00.003+08:00

Recipe for Mango Granite

This is a dessert resembling crushed ice. It can be made with any form of flavoured liquid. Try different ones for different effects and tastes! This can be made at home at ANY time with almost any form of liquid!

Some liquids to consider:

Fruit juice

Syrups

Cordials

Fruit puree

Commercial drinks

Fruit Teas/ Green Tea

Mango Granite Ingredients

113 g mango sweetened mango puree

330 g water

50 g sugar

25 g rum

Cooking method:

1) Mix everything together with a whisk in a shallow pan with a wide surface area, stirring until the sugar dissolves.

2) Place in the freezer and stir the mixture every 15 - 30 mins until the mixture resembles crushed ice.

3) Enjoy =)

Pasta Carbonara

2008-09-02T09:12:00.002+08:00

Pasta Carbonara

500 g spaghetti

25 g butter or oil

140 g minced bacon

4 egg yolks

180 ml cream

50g grated parmesan cheese

Salt and pepper as needed

Cooking method:

1) Bring a large pot of water to boil. Add the spaghetti and cook al dente (with some resistance to the tooth). The spaghetti should be stirred occasionally to prevent the pasta from sticking to the bottom of the pot.

2) Drain the spaghetti in a colander. If the spaghetti is to be reserved for later use, rinse with cold water and rub some oil in between the strands to prevent sticking and refridgerate until it is ready to serve.

3) Heat the butter or oil in the pan and saute the bacon until it is cooked through and slightly crispy and the fat has been rendered.

4) Add the spaghetti to the bacon and mix well, cooking until the spaghetti is very hot.

5) Mix together the yolks, cream and cheese and add it to the pasta.

6) Mix the pasta with the sauce, stirring until the sauce is heated. Do not overcook or the sauce will curdle due to the presence of egg yolks.

7) Season to taste with salt and pepper and serve immediately. One may choose to garnish with some parsley.

Potato, Crab and Leek Croquette

2008-09-02T08:56:00.003+08:00

Potato, Crab and Leek Croquette

1 Russet Potato
100g Leek
227g Crab meat (frozen or fresh)
200g Bread crumbs
50ml milk
10g softened butter
Vegetable oil as needed

Cooking method:

1) Steam the potatoes until the fork is able to pierce the potato without any resistance.

2) Add the butter and slowly add the milk in parts and mash the potato with a masher. Take care not to make the potato too wet. Not all the milk has to be used.

3) Dice the leek medium and add it to the potatoes, mixing well.

4) Add the crabmeat and continue to mix until the entire mixture is evenly blended.

5) Pat the mixture into small patties.

6) Place the bread crumbs onto a large flat plate and coat each patty with the crumbs first on one side, pressing down gently and then flipping it over with a fork.

7) Pour the vegetable oil until it covers the base of the pan and rises to roughly half the height of the croquette patties.

8) When the oil is hot, quickly pan-fry the patties until the bread crumbs turn a golden brown.

9) Place the ready-fried croquettes onto some paper towel to absorb the oil for roughly 5 mins.

10) Remove to a clean plate and serve warm.

Mushroom Bruschetta

2008-09-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

Mushroom Bruschetta (makes 30 pieces)

454g Oyster Mushrooms
105 ml Olive oil
5g Minced garlic
1g Chopped thyme
1g Chopped oregano
1 no.s Baguette
Salt and pepper to taste
Grated cheddar or mozzarella cheese as needed (optional)

1) Cut the baguette into 6mm thick slices and brush with some oil and toast in an oven until lightly golden along the edges.

2) Trim the mushrooms.

3) Heat the oil over low heat and sauté the mushrooms until lightly browned. Add the minced garlic and sauté until fragrant.

4) Add the thyme and oregano herbs and remove from the pan. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

5) Spread the mushrooms over the sliced toasted bread. The mushroom bruschetta may be served now or topped with grated cheese and melted in an oven before serving.

Note*: Any kind of mushroom may be used. Mixed mushrooms consisting of button, swiss, shitake, oyster, enoki and shimeiji mushrooms cooked together with the above aromatics and herbs makes a great mushroom salad with the addition of salad leaves and vegetables (arugula/rocket, lettuce, baby spinach, asparagus). All products may be found at NTUC.

Duxelle Canape

2008-09-02T00:25:00.002+08:00

Duxelle Canape

30 no.s Carr's Table Water Crackers
50g Minced shallots
30g Butter
240g Diced shitake mushrooms
60ml Cream
110g Bread crumbs
4g Chopped parsley
1 no.s Egg
1/2 no.s. Carrot, small dice and blanched for garnish (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste

1) In a small pan, heat the butter and add the shallots until an aroma is present.

2) Add the mushrooms and sauté them until dry to create a duxelles. Season the duxelles with some salt and pepper to taste.

3) Add the cream, bread crumbs and parsley and mix well. Remove the mixture from the pan.
Break the egg into a bowl and whip until evenly blended.

4) Add the egg, a little at a time to the duxelles mixture until the egg has just coated the mixture.

5) Fill small portions of the mix into a 4-cm ring cutter and press down gently with a small spoon. Gently lift up the ring and release the small duxelles cakes.

6) Place them onto an aluminum foil sheet, onto a sheet pan and bake the cakes in an oven at 180 degrees until the tops and sides of the cakes have begun to brown and oil seeps out from the sides.

7) Place each ready baked cake onto a cracker base and serve.

Note*: The duxelles above (without the egg) is a stuffing used for chicken.

Curry Chicken Salad Sandwich

2008-09-02T00:15:00.002+08:00

Curry Chicken Salad Sandwich

454g Chicken thigh
360ml Mayonnaise
14g Curry powder
1 head Butter or Iceberg lettuce
113g Butter
1 no.s Baguette
1 no.s Small diced green capsicum (optional)
Salt and pepper as needed

Cooking Method:

1) Steam the chicken to an internal temperature of 74 degrees or until it is thoroughly cooked.
Shred or dice the chicken into small pieces.

2) Combine the chicken, mayonnaise and curry powder and mix well. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

3) Tear the lettuce leaves to match the size of the bread.

4) Spread a thin layer of butter on the bread, top with a piece of lettuce and a layer of curry chicken salad.

5) Garnish with the capsicum if desired, for colour and flavour. Serve immediately.

Note*: To create a salad, shredded iceberg lettuce, fresh cherry tomatoes, hard boiled eggs, carrot strips and other vegetables may be tossed together with the curried chicken. Add small cubes of toasted bread croutons for texture.

White and Dark Chocolate Cake

2008-09-01T23:47:00.003+08:00

1 Cake, 2 presentations

White and Dark Chocolate Cake (Heart Shape)

White and Dark Chocolate Cake (Round)

Pan fried Sutchi fish with Wasabi Aioli

2008-08-27T00:36:00.002+08:00

Pan Fried Sutchi Fish with Wasabi Aioli

This is a canape originally created by Clarence Chue. =)

(Recipe coming soon)

Qiaofen's Coffee Cake

2008-08-27T00:33:00.002+08:00

Coffee Cake for Qiaofen's Birthday

Rice Pilaf

2008-08-25T14:53:00.003+08:00

Rice Pilaf

Doesn't look special? But the taste sure is though. =)

Ingredients:

1) 400g long grain white rice (for singaporeans, we call this normal rice)

2) 30ml butter or oil

3) 21g minced onions (or more for onion lovers)

4) 720ml to 840ml chicken stock, hot (for those who prefer dryer rice, less stock. I usually take

the middle which is about 770ml of stock)

5) 1 bay leaf and a scattering of thyme leaves (herbs found in NTUC. Look under the McCormick brand of herbs and spices!)

6) Salt and pepper as needed

Cooking method:

1) Wash the rice.

2) Use the pot of a rice cooker as the cooking pot. Place it on the stove and heat the butter. Add

the onions and saute until the flavour and aroma is present.

3) Add the uncooked washed rice and saute until the rice is coated with the butter or oil about 2-3 mins.

4) Add the hot or warm chicken stock to the rice, stirring to prevent the rice from sticking to each other.

5) Add the herbs and place the pot back into the rice cooker and let it cook until it reaches a stage where the grains are tender to the bite. (For singaporeans and asians, just have to taste it and you know when you have the right texture.)

6) However, use a chopstick to fluff the rice first and allow steam to escape and let the rice cooker hold the rice under heat for some time to allow drying. 5-10 mins after the rice has been fluffed, it is ready to be served.

Glazed Carrots

2008-08-25T14:33:00.006+08:00

Glazed Carrots

This is a wonderful dish to execute at home. It is simple and easy to prepare and is delicious, being able to entice people who dislikes vegetables or people who do not like carrots (me).

Ingredients:

85g butter (or more)

1.13kg carrots

43g sugar

360ml Chicken stock (use chicken stock powder for home cooking)

Salt as needed

Cooking method:

1) Peel and cut the carrots into equal sizes. The best way to cut them is by performing an oblique cut as shown above. However, you may cut them into batons, medallions or which ever way you prefer.

2) Melt the butter in a large pan or a wok and add the carrots. Saute the carrots in the butter until all carrots have been coated for about 2-3 mins. For butter lovers, add more butter!

3) Add the sugar and stir the carrots until evenly mixed. Add the stock.

4) Bring the entire mixture to a simmer (small, gentle but vigorous bubbling) until the carrot becomes fork tender. Taste for a tenderness check.

5) By the time the carrots are tender, the liquid should have been reduced (water content evaporated) to form a glaze coating of butter and sugar. The carrots should be shiny and tender.

6) Adjust with salt and pepper and serve.

Note* One may add some herbs or spices to create color and flavour. I added chopped parsley above. Black pepper specks also create nice visual impact and adds nicely to flavour.

Note* You may combine this with other vegetables. Buttered corn? Fresh tomato slices or cherry tomatoes? Shredded cabbage? Or some rice? Let your imagination run wild ok =)

German potato salad

2008-08-25T14:02:00.003+08:00

German Potato Salad

Ingredients:

1 kg waxy potatoes

Note*: One way to classify potatoes is by the starch content. The higher the starch content, the more dry and granular it is after being cooked. The flesh is easier to flake or mash. Starchy potatoes are better for baking and mashing and frying due to the low moisture content.

Waxy potatoes on the other hand, are able to hold their own shape better after baking, steaming and cooking. These are better for potato salads. Yellow skin and red skin potatoes are good examples of waxy potatoes.

Before purchasing potatoes for any use, be sure to ask any of the staff in-charge. Wet market stall holders are most of the time able to differentiate between the 2. Just tell them what you want to use it for and they will guide you to buy the right ones.

Dressing ingredients:

1) 60g diced streaky bacon

2) 400 ml chicken stock (for home cooking, use chicken stock powder and mix with hot water)

3) 30ml white wine vinegar (I used red wine vinegar. I believe balsamic and rice wine vinegar works as well)

4) 113g diced onions

5) Salt to taste

6) Sugar to taste

7) Ground white pepper as needed

8) 60 ml vegetable oil

9) 28g brown mustard (other kinds of mustard works for me too)

10) 1/2 bunch chives (may substitute with spring onion)

Cooking method:

1) Peel the potatoes and cut them evenly into smaller pieces. The size of the potatoes vary according to how large you want them to be. They should however, be roughly the same size for even cooking.

2) Steam the potatoes until fork-tender. (No resistance at all if a fork is used to poke it. One may also eat 1 piece of the steamed potato to test for tenderness)

3) Saute the bacon in a saute pan until it is cooked throughly and slightly crispy.

4) Bring the stock, onions, vinegar, salt, sugar and pepper to a boil. (Warning: The smell of the dressing at this point may not be very pleasant due to the vinegar. One may choose to omit the vinegar. But then what would be special about the salad?)

5) Combine the oil, bacon fat, bacon, steamed potatoes, chives and the boiled dressing together. Toss gently with spoons. Do not break the potatoes by tossing with forks and sharp objects.

6) Cover the salad (traps the flavour) and leave it in the chiller overnight or until it is chilled thoroughly.

7) Adjust seasoning with salt and pepper to the chilled salad. One may also wish to strain away some of the dressing if it is too much. Serve.

Introduction to Food blog

2008-08-16T01:36:00.006+08:00

Hi guys! Its me haha.

Yes, I have decided to note down my work and record them for two purposes:

1) Learning purposes, so that I may evaluate my performance over the years

2) To be able to share recipes, personal notes and recommendations to all who want to learn and receive.

As the bible says, just as you have received, you must also give.

And trying to bring God and food together, I came across this:

Acts 27:33-38 states

"Just before dawn Paul urged them all to eat. "For the last fourteen days," he said, "you have been in constant suspense and have gone without food—you haven't eaten anything. Now I urge you to take some food. You need it to survive. Not one of you will lose a single hair from his head." After he said this, he took some bread and gave thanks to God in front of them all. Then he broke it and began to eat. They were all encouraged and ate some food themselves. Altogether there were 276 of us on board. When they had eaten as much as they wanted, they lightened the ship by throwing the grain into the sea."

From the verse, I gathered that:

It pleased the Lord to create food for us that we may become blessed and strengthened and that our soul may be refreshed. For before the men had consumed the food, they were without strength and in suspense in the middle of the tempest. Yet after they had eaten unto the Lord with thanks, they began to have the strength and motivation to do something and try again instead of just despairing because their previous few attempts to lighten the ship had failed.

As God loves His feasts, so does He expect us to enter into the joyfulness of eating and drinking [ in moderation of course ;) ] that He Himself may be glorified through the creative preparation of food and the thanks we render to God for beautiful flavours and exciting aromas. Even God uses bread and wine to symbolise the flesh and blood of Jesus Christ our Lord.

May the Lord bless all food lovers around the world! Amen.

Below was a 4 course dinner meal that I prepared for my family a few weeks back. I hope to be able to open up for more dinners for more people. You may let me know if you are interested =) It should cost about $10++ per person. Cheers =)

2008-08-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

CREAM OF CARROT SOUP

Shrimp Salad

2008-08-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

Chilled Shrimp Salad with Deviled Egg

Wine poached Chicken Breast with whipped potato and marinated bell pepper

2008-08-16T00:03:00.003+08:00

Wine poached Chicken Breast with whipped potato and marinated bell pepper

Bread and Butter Pudding, Green Tea Granita

2008-08-15T23:54:00.001+08:00

Bread and Butter Pudding, Green Tea Granita

Transition

2007-12-06T22:46:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! I know I've not blogged in a long long time. I'm been very weighed down and weary of late...haha...together with a increasingly increased appetite for good and bad food =P Why do I say bad food? Lols...when I'm hungry for something to munch, haix...anything goes man LOL...

I've been eating too much rich food from the leftover sales of the Sugarloaf cafe at school haha. I must remember to eat more sandwiches and less pastries tomorrow =P or I will easily regain the weight I lost last year! That will be very sad...coz I'm actually quite proud of that weight lost haha =P

You know, I realise that when we try to do so many things and all of them at once, its really hard. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why for the past few days I am often confused and lost because I feel a need to pray for many things at the same time. So many things need my attention, which in turn I feel, needs God's attention...hahaha so everyday I have a very tiring shopping list...and this actually doesn't make prayer any fun. But I was taught to ask consistently for things in prayer and they will come to pass. So how?

Haha...I'm tired and I feel that challenges and new things keep piling on me one after another lols. After Cliff's message about God doing something new in your life, I feel that my life is really rushing through one thing after another. Life's kind of hectic now haha and I feel a need to stop and get a good grip of situations and the environment as well as examine my mental health and exhaustion haha.

But I don't think I'm allowed to stop =(

I don't like new things actually haha. I prefer to stay in my comfort zone. But with the Student Internship Programme up and running, me having to take up different posts at the cafe and restaurant, the changing of the cell group, me entering into a new ministry (Choir hehe) and my grandfather suddenly on talking terms with my family again, and Christmas is coming! Whoa...that is a lot of things...that changes. I feel like I really have to be a good chameleon to adapt so quickly to all these new things.

But in the process of so much transition, I tend to feel tired and really lost. haha.

I am now serving at the sugarloaf cafe at school!! Haha service is really fun but I prefer being in the kitchen =) I am now quite certain that I wish to be a pastry chef haha even though pastries can be a little too sweet sometimes...but I think I have fallen in love with the job scope there. Hot cooking shall be my hobby =)

But to a certain extent I'm not sure...haha...may the Lord bless my choice =P I tend to enjoy every kitchen that I go to, may it be hot or cold or pastry. There is lots to learn everywhere! Wow...I often tell people that I don't have enough years in this lifetime to learn it all haha. I shall go heaven and learn from all the chefs for all eternity haha...make heaven a sanctuary of food! LOL.

I'm looking forward to my attachment though the companies open to us are coming in very slowly -_- sian. God help me get to Ritz Carlton kk? Hahahahaha.

Anyway its late, I got to go. I'm bartender tomorrow!! LOL...I was silently wishing for it today in my heart and it seems like God heard that silent wish =P If only He would be more auto and instant for other things =P then I wouldnt be so stress hahahahaha.

Bye people! And er love you whoever you are that is reading this. Haaahha.
And love you too, Lord =)

The battle of Minas Tirith.

2007-11-18T21:12:00.000+08:00

Lord of the Rings people? Haha if you have not watched it, you will not understand what I am about to write.

I loved the last battle at Minas Tirith, the charge of the Rohirrim, knights on horseback. I remember tearing at the scene. Why?

The city of Minas Tirith, a beacon of splendour, a crown of men's glory, the Tower of the Sun, has been overwhelmed and surrounded by the orcish legions of the Dark Lord Sauron. The clouds over the battlefield are dim and heavy, thick with smoky wrath. The cries of the orcs carry for miles and fire, fire sprang in many places of the city. An evil power was at work and the Dark captains, the Nazgul, instilled fear in the hearts of many.

Just before the last stroke fell, a light broke in the darkness and from the west came the majestic horns of the Rohirrim, sounding across the dark and evil meadow of many shadows. There appeared at the top of the plains, the Rohirrim, led by King Theoden and the House of Eorl. The banners of green flapped in the wind as they assembled against their foes, outnumbered ten to one. The orcs snarled and formed battled ranks against them from afar off, at the very foot of the besieged city.

Then arose King Theoden, his voice crying out clearer and louder than any man's, saying

"Arise! Arise riders of Theoden!
Fell deeds awake, Fire and slaughter
Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered
A sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Ride now! Ride to ruin and the world's ending!"

And with a cry, "Forth Eorlingas!",

Theoden sped down the plains, his white horse Snowmane faster than any other. The army gave a resounding roar and charged headlong after their King. Glory and power was with them. The golden hair of the man shone in the sun and their countenance bore no trace of fear, only courage and great determintion. They did not waver and stumble even as arrows of the orcs thudded into their midst and felled several riders.

On they went, like the fury of a great storm. The thundering hooves and warcry of the men struck fear even into the hearts of evil and the swords gleamed as they were raised. The eyes of men shone with their wrath and beauty. And the final clash of the armies was very great, even as the Rohirrim ran down the orcish legions that day on the Pelennor Fields.

The Rohirrim is likened to the army of God yes. And there shall we be in all our days, meeting the armies of evil without fear, without doubt, striking fear with the presence of God, bringing His light into the darkness.

His hand is with His army. Amen =)

My Lord God

2007-10-22T10:03:00.000+08:00

I stand in awe...in wonder of You and Your Majesty...

Ancient and Glorious, Light of the world, and You live in me...

Lord of my life, I love You...

Lord of my days, I trust in You...

Living beneath the shelter of Your wings...

My heart's safe, yes my soul, body and spirit...

Praise be the Lord's for He has helped me in my time of trouble
Made promises that lasts longer than the crust of the Earth

His breath washes clean and clear over us...
And in our greatest moments of loneliness...
When no one else is there to be with us...
When it seems that all our friends have abandoned us...
And the world around me seems to have crumbled into pieces...
When all seems lost and hope not found...
When my enemies encamp all around...

The Lord is there, ever watchful, always present...
His love like a blanket, His voice like sweet music
His eyes like bright blue flaring stones
His touch, melting the hardest hearts of coldest stone
And there He watches over me, wreathed in the glory of His light
And though the darkness seems to shroud me
He was greater than the sun to me

Thank You, Father. Be the strength in my heart. Be by my side always...=)

But I will trust in God

2007-10-20T02:40:00.000+08:00

A little "poem" that I wrote during my quiet time entitled:

But I will trust in God

Lord, tonight was the worst
I even prayed the day before
That You would give me strength
To endure what I believe I cannot

When my emotions struck me
They cast a net of anguish upon my heart
Anger and bitterness took me
And I made silent promises, filled with folly and sin

But while the devil tormented me,
I remembered You, Lord
In my pain and weaknesses
I called for Your strength, in the silence of my heart

I didn't feel all lovey dovey
Nor did I feel very spiritual
Your help was not instant
Yet further I believed and endured

Lord, You are good, Your promises true
For I felt strength rise in my heart
My anger brushed away by peace
And my heart sighed rejoicing

You, Lord break my chains of hatred
Taught me how to love when I could not
You drew me out of the raging fire
Set in me in a rocking chair of light

Yes, You, Lord is He whom I dearly love
For in my stress You comfort me greatly
Saying, "Rest in My love"
And "Cast all of your cares upon Me".

Lord, You are He who opens doors
And who can close them?
In every trial I have passed,
I saw Your goodness and gave thanks

I would brave the fires at Your word
And become a strong son for Your sake
Then to live a happy, heck-care life
And become a weak morsel of disgrace

O Lord, hear me as I pray
Help O God with Your wisdom
Guide me in all my ways
Holy Spirit, light my paths

Though the waters may fall heavy
And the hand of fear is great
Yet King David loved to say,
"But I will trust in God".

You will not fail me
Nor will You forsake me
You have given me strength
To last the rest of my days

Though I worry of the coming months
May Your mercy fall upon me
Bring to remembrance Your love for me
Teach me to enter the gates of Your rest

May I, Lord, live out my days smiling
Praising and thanking You always
Though I fear the coming months
But I will trust in God =)

-Clarence to his God

Its a thursday!

2007-10-04T16:32:00.000+08:00

Hi good afternoon.

Today happens to be my off day! =)

I'm happy but not so happy...I'm tired. There hasn't been a day where I managed to remain in the grounds of Simei for the entire day...for a long time now. I just can't remember when I last remained home all day.

Makeup cell group after this. Not that I hate cell group. But a large part of me wants to stay home, be with my family and watch television, lie in bed and daydream about the wonderful things in life...or to me, they are wonderful. I want to find a day when I can cook and bake all the things that I've been thinking of cooking and baking. Time is short man, and though the money's good...I will have no life if I do this for a full time job.

Thank God for a 2 month vacation. Perfect. Not too short that I still want to work more and not too long that I become too tired of working.

3 more weeks until the end of October. Looking forward to that actually. I'm tired already hahaha. I've been waiting the whole day for bleach 143 subbed to come out on youtube.

One day in the life of Raffles Hotel. Work is great, not too slack, not too busy, people are nice, I'm not stressed...just that the hours are long. *yawn*

Its a weird feeling at RH...I feel nice and comfortable working there, it somehow feels like home...feels like I belong there. I'm not afraid of the people, not afraid to do my job, I don't have to wait for instructions...I actually feel like I'm part of the staff and not just a regular helpout. This is something I have never experienced in anywhere that I have worked for.

Working life is a new experience...and I like it. Seriously I would not go back to studying science and maths all over again. When I see my sis mugging for her sec 3 promotion exam, I thought, "Whew! Glad thats over." I'm tired, but I like where I am.

The only thing I'm willing to study now is food. Business and management? Oh alright...just don't make the concept too cheem and complex. Communication skills are after all more interesting than beta particles.

Looking forward to my wine class next semester. I'm really curious. How? Why? Do people appreciate wine? There are some sweet wines I personally enjoy, but...lets face it. Sweet stuff is for the kids and the kind old grannies with the toothie smiles. It doesn't take much to appreciate sweet stuff...its like a soft drink right? Just with a bit of a spicy tinge and a kick.

I want to see what the wine world is talking about. The serious stuff. The bitter and the spicy and the strong. May my tongue grow to greater maturity. =)

Sometimes there are some tastes we simply just have to acquire. Otherwise we'll be in the same box of food forever, never knowing why and how...people like certain food and drink that in our mind we term "disgusting".

Its great to try new things ;) especially in the kitchen.

Yesterday I had my first experience working with live lobsters. Big and grey and moving. With my hands. Now it was a shocker cause I had no idea they were allowed to move I mean...all the meat and poultry and fish I've been handling up til now is dead right? And getting a part-timer to handle something which looks so complex seems wrong.

They were like giant cockroaches man. Only prettier. And their claws were tied.

I was afraid of them but I was afraid of the French chef more. Haha...it was the first time I ever worked with him but this guy is a guy who KNOWS food and KNOWS how to handle them and he commands respect man. No other chef I worked with ever demanded me to greet them. But this guy did. Like I was in school again. Felt great by the way.

I just dove my gloved hands into the bag and pulled them out. Oooh. Fortunately the method of killing was simply water-boil and I was guided. I felt a lot safer and more relaxed when the chef was on hand to teach me how to handle them. When I was alone with the bag, man, my first time and he left me alone!

Sometimes when we eat the beef and the chicken and we are so happy that it tastes so good, we just forget the people who slaughtered them for us eh. A bag of chicken wings required the sacrifice of at least 10 chickens. Ouch. For the chickens. And also for the guy who kills them. Can't be easy having a job as an animal slayer.

But new experiences are fun and good. Hahaha.

So next time you eat seafood...especially lobsters, you must remember who were those responsible for making you happy and thank them! Haha..joking. But I think its cool to work in a butchery.

Okok...I have to rest before the mcg begins. *sighs*

Good day to all!

True Love, anyone??

2007-09-27T22:25:00.000+08:00

Hey guys...I know...its been a long time since I last blogged.

To put it bluntly, I usually cannot find anything really worth blogging about...everyday the same old things, the getting up and the lying down, the coming in and the going out, the laughing and the crying, the sun and rain, tree and grass...etc.

If I were to blog, its probably because

A) I'm bored
B) Its fun
C) I have something to say

Today, I and some of the guys spent a little time talking about love. As I am writing, I do feel a little tired...

What is true love? After thinking about this for a long time (1.5 years), I have decided that true love cannot be explained. =)

If you want to ask what love is about, people can talk about it until their words fill a book that is as thick as the bible and still it wouldn't give you any clear cut and direct answers.

Sometimes, when we have experienced true love, we will automatically know that it is it. For teenagers like myself, no matter how hard we think we know true love, it always slips away from us. We go after it, we pursue it, we work to get it...become tired, exhausted and weary over it and realise that we do not understand it.

Many times, the church sets a certain guidelines for behaviour between a guy and and girl. But love and relationships, being undefined, will not adhere to just one couple. The glory of the Lord's hand in creating relationships between people is that no two couple can ever be the same. Similar perhaps but never the same and each will always have their own story to tell.

Sit back, relax and stop worrying about true love, allowing it to come after you, rather than trying to take it yourself. Love is one thing you can't buy nor is it something you work for to get. Its not like a job where I can work to get a promotion.

I can't be sure that if I

1) Call the girl
2) Buy her presents
3) Go out with her
4) Sms her daily
5) Be extra caring
6) Be very sweet to her
7) Make personal sacrifices...

And then BOOM. She's mine. In fact the term "She's mine" is already wrong.

It is unfortunately human tendency to think about who you are going to have as a partner and "wanting" this person or "wanting" that person.

For me, I believe that love is more about...not "I want her" but rather, "I want to fulfill her wants". Its very similar to our walk with God. Self denial.

Self denial is clearly expressed as God's defination of love, which is the closest explaination I can find for true love 1 Cor 13:4-8:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

And...I realise that it no longer matters whether or not the girl or guy wants you back. You just want her or him to be happy =)

May I also strike a balance? =)

Recognising that I am NOT the all knowing wizard in the universe, having no right to pass judgement but I do wish to express my dislike for people who attain noble love.

Please O please don't ever be a saint or martyr in love and let me know about it because I WILL slap you. (I'm joking =) Thou shalt not raise thy hand against thy brother.)

I am referring to people who are infatuated but instead insist on believing that they have attained true love. You will recognise these people easily.

These people will tend to be very miserable on the outside, look miserable and go around saying, "Oh...*sniff*...I'm so glad that she's happy...*sniff*...since I can't give her the happiness, *SNIFF*, I'm glad someone else can and I wish them all the best."

And inside the person's mind and body, it will be like:

"O Lord! What a sacrifice your servant has made this day! But I do this for her and for You and see how my heart breaks!! O, I am so noble! I can't believe that I can be so noble! But I must be strong for the girl that I love! She is happy...but oh woe is me! Woe is ME!!"

or...

"I did so much for you, you know how I cry every night because of you? Do you know that I am suffering so much for your sake? I really love you so much...but if you don't want to be with me, I understand, I know I am not worthy. I know that there are better guys for you out there. Don't worry about me. If I can't give you happiness, then someone else will. Don't bother to contact me anymore. It hurts so much to leave you...ohh I feel like fainting already... But nevermind...its ok...enjoy yourself ok? smile =)...bye..."

Be a good man and a good woman! Noble acts are public. Acts of true love are done in secret. If you sacrifice for someone you really love, do it with a good attitude man! Don't sacrifice and show everyone how miserable you are...sigh...

Why I say this? I used to be like that...maybe I still am? But then I realised that true love does not exist there. When you make any kind of sacrifice for someone you really love, you'll be happy in a sincere genuine way.

I'm not talking about a dog's love. We are people. Not dogs. We are not supposed to have sheer joy simply serving a person like slaves. Its hard to explain...but when the time comes, you'll know =)

True love doesn't have to be returned =) God never expected us to love Him back when He gave us love. He only wanted us to be happy.

People say, "Wow, if thats true, then let us drink, sleep around, cheat and tell lies! It makes us happy! Its such a pain to keep the rules!"

No they don't make you happy. If loving God makes you unhappy, then don't love Him. You are not and have never been forced to.

We all think that we know what will make us happy.

But only God knows what will give us true and eternal happiness.

ARGH! This entry is too long. I'm sorry, I'm flipping out writing this.

I realise that what I wrote above is true. Thoughts of love can fill 10000 books and it wouldn't be enough.

I'm ending here. Bye! =)

God

2007-08-10T23:42:00.000+08:00

Friends, the love of God is a very real and tangible presence. =) To those who have known and understood, you have been mightily blessed.

But for those who don't understand, I just want to say that Love between God and man is really not just an old saying, even though people have used "God loves you" in vain for decades now...

Its real...and its hard to explain how real........

During my Quiet time with the Lord....I wrote..

Lord, how I love You
Lord, how I adore You

Your touch is fresh from the heavens
Your breath is with the winds

I look upon You, Lord and yet You seem far away
Clothed with light and glory, upon a mighty throne
Your eyes O Lord blaze with power and beauty
Your hair shines bright and golden like the sun
No darkness is before You
Your smile brings warmth and comfort to my heart

Touch me from heaven and set me near to Your heart
I am Yours, Lord, even though I am not perfect
O God my weaknesses and hurts they have multiplied
Each is like a spear in my heart and soul
My tears have collected in jars...and You held each one in Your hands

You love me, Lord, with love greater than that of men
You have shielded me in every possible way
Helped me to stand again, and Your grace has been heavy upon me

Lord, do You truly accept me for who I am?
How can You love someone like me?
But You have, Lord and my soul rejoices in Your goodness

Lord, how can I ever understand Your love?
I often wonder how You look at me
I love Your presence Lord, more than any other thing
I love to seek after You and stay with You in a quiet place
Yet Lord, sometimes I seek You but find You not

Do not hide from me, Lord
I long for Your presence daily, the fresh annointing and strength
You know my heart inside out and the hurts I feel
Hold O Lord, my heart in Your hands
Keep me close by Your very side

Lord, I love You
I know You are close, Lord, to me
But not only Your presence, I desire also to see Your power
I desired to hear Your voice
And to see You in my dreams

Lord, I am coming
Wait for me
I would laugh and dance with You
Walk and hold Your hand
On the white shores under blue sky
Before a sparkling, endless sea...

How do I find rest?

2007-08-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

Something I have heard said and yet found true and very interesting, is that: Life flys by you and time is precious, but no matter how fast life flys by, life is still very long.

If disagreements surface, speak to some of the more elderly folks. By 50, some would have said that they have lived far too long.

Back in secondary school...I was free, I felt free. My goal was just to live out each day of my life and plan as things come my way. I never aspired for great riches. My only great desire was to have a really happy and contented and loving family. Thats all I really wanted, as well as a secure and comfortable job which I actually enjoyed and not because i'm doing it for the money.

All I wanted was to have enough to get by...have enough to be happy. That was all I asked for...and there were no great burdens, not much stress and life was pretty much free. I didn't have many cares in the world and I walked with a skip in my steps and my voice was filled with delightful songs. I laughed and smiled everyday and frowns hardly appeared. It was good and I think I miss my sec school days.

Yet how is it now that after being entrusted with the great commission and the cultural mandate, I seem to have grown tired and weary? I sometimes walk dragging my feet behind me, and a heavy heart is beating slowly within. I wake up and...can't honestly say that life is great.

I'm not complaining.

I'm just wondering. Do I really have to be so goal oriented, that each and every single day, I'm so focused on my future life...a life where I am supposed to expect prosperity and riches, a life where I am going to be a leader in the marketplace, a life where I see revival come in greater than the tsunami that came in some years back, until I am this stressed?

I have no idea what is weighing me down sometimes. Maybe its because everyday, I'm living out my normal life...and yet I don't see how I am moving towards that great and bright future. I feel that I could be doing something more but when I explore the possibilities, I feel like fainting because I'm already so tired.

I don't know what I should do now besides what I am currently doing. And I'm stressed because I see my goal list:

Nearer goals:

1) School revival
2) Clean hands and a pure heart
3) Loving people fervently
4) Excelling in school
5) See family salvation
6) Great spiritual growth
7) Renewing of mindset and attitude

Further goals:

1) Lead a successful righteous life
2) Be spiritually empowered
3) Have a wonderful family
4) Be exceedingly Happy
5) Be extremely rich
6) Impact the marketplace
7) See revival take place and be a part of it
8) Be a leader in my industry

Just look at the goals man. I see them and I am lost. I think I am already doing all I can. Should I still be concerned and worried? If I am how can I be happy and light hearted? None of these are goals that can be attained by spending some time with books or teachers. No one is going to teach me this stuff.

It seems like so much...for a boy of 18 to do...me who has yet to completely enjoy his adolescence...with the fun and the games and the going out and the movies and the friends...and I'm weighed down by what seems like...one of the greatest responsibilities in the world.

Its an aspiration that I never really aspired. I only hoped for that comfortable bit of life...I didn't need fame, glory, to do great things in the nation and lots of money. I only wanted to take real good care of my family and live away from the hectic Singaporean life. To live life the way I want to live it...together with a strong, happy relationship with my God.

And I remember in Lord of the Rings, Galadriel, elven queen of Lothlorien said to Frodo, Ring bearer, "If you do not find a way, no one will."

In the end...I just wonder...is there any good in worrying? But if I do not worry, in what kind of frame should my thoughts be in? What should I be focusing on if not my goals and how to attain them?

So the wonderful question is: How do I find rest?

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. You have been a wonderful audience =)

Au voir.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2007-07-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

WARNING. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS SPOILER BELOW. ONLY READ ON IF YOU DONT CARE.

Well people, I've just finished reading the final instalment of the Harry Potter series. =) I am so happy and so proud haha...in fact...when I closed the book some minutes ago, I thought, "Ahh what a great book. Nice touch to the ending =p though if I may be allowed to say so, I have guessed some of the endings and am well pleased to discover that I am right!

At the airport last saturday, on my way to the train station after fellowship with Rena, Mich, Su Ying and APPLE, I was holding on to the book, reading as I went (The other four already left by cab, leaving me to serene silence and peace so as to allow my eyes to tear through the book).

As I walked, I remembered how unexcited I was...how it was almost boring...how I had already stopped anticipating the arrival of the final book because my brain got fried getting too excited about it in the past. It was so normal...so mundane as I waited for the book to come...I actually forgot all about it, which is weird considering that I was once a hardcore harry potter fan and interestingly, a fan of Emma Watson...but that is another story for another day =P

As my eyes groped the book for words, for the story that my soul suddenly became hungry for, I knew that I could not read fast enough. The fire of Harry Potter rose in me again as I read about familiar characters, spells, locations, dark plans and of course, the scent of oncoming war. I have no idea why...but tales of war and battle always seemed to spark excitement in me.

As I read on, walking at the airport, feeling the chilly air grip me, I could only bow down and salute J.K. Rowling, by far one of the greatest authors I know. Why do I respect her? She is the ONLY author by far, who has been able to write books that keep me captivated, keep me going on...never a dull moment, always magical...and as I read...I felt as if I was Harry Potter himself, on the quest against the Dark Lord.

Even as I read it in the silence of the night, I could feel the chill from the evil wafting out of the sinister plot and could almost imagine the Dark Lord Voldemort looking at me through my bedroom window, flying, wand lifted for the killing curse and the fading sound of his cackle.

Even as I read on, I found it tightly linked to Christianity, having spotted many of the values that the book portrayed.

I loved the themes it played on, especially those of love, trust, hate, anger, bitterness, agony, boldness, power, betrayal, lust and the traditional light versus dark.

Voldemort was a representative of satan himself. And in the book...Voldemort was one who could not love, who felt no love or remorse. All he ever wanted was power and would sacrifice anyone and anything to have it.

Power blinds. In his quest for strength, he had lost purpose and the values of life. The saddest thing one can ever experience...is not being able to experience love. Which is why I remember pastor kong ever saying that the devil is jealous of our souls, for only those with souls can feel love and give love. I am of course not simply referring to boy-girl love, but all love...even love for animals, family, friends and even people that you don't know....

Voldemort had forgotten so many things...he had so much knowledge of dark magic, power was his and he could kill at will. He laughed at the deaths of others, at the love people had for one another.

But true love, friends, was a power so great in itself, so pure, so holy that even the dark taint cannot bear to touch it. Hatred does not overcome love but love overcomes hatred. True love endures forever. Voldemort saw all creatures beneath himself, choosing only the greatest wizards to remain by his side. Yet in his campaign, neglecting the magical creatures like centaurs and house elves was his biggest mistake as they had power beyond what he could see.

I would say...despise no one and despise nothing. Everything, everyone has a powerful quality, a special gift...and it may not be one that is visible. I do not speak as one who self claims himself saintly and noble...I too find it hard not to look down on others at times. Underestimation is always great folly as is overestimation.

In this book also, says alot about motives. What is your motive in doing something that you want to do? The book showed that covetousness for greed brings death while sacrificial covetousness for the safety of others brought life.

Harry and Dumbledore both sought the Ressurection Stone. But only Harry could muster it for Dumbledore secretly sought power...the power of undeath but Harry, he sought the stone to save the entire wizarding community.

There was a particular scene which disturbed me...Harry, Ron and Hermione were caught and imprisoned by the dark wizards and Hermione was taken up, tortured and questioned as Harry and Ron listened from the jail bars. They were thrashing the bars trying to get out and save her...I could feel their desperation...feel the pain that was shooting through them...

Haha...maybe I have grown to love Hermione after all this time. But probably, my heart ached more to know that a girl was being tortured. She was afterwards handed over to a werewolf who wanted to bite her, which I believe symbolises rape since he had been lusting for her flesh ever since they were captured. But no one would want to write about rape in a supposed children's story book would they? Fortunately she was saved.

But the incident caught my heart and wrung it...feeling the pain if you knew that...as the guy you had responsibility to protect the girl...yet she is being tortured while you are behind bars...and all you can hear are her screams...I think if I was Harry or Ron, probably would have fainted, or my heart exploded lols.

The feeling of helplessness...knowing that all you can do is sit and wait and cry while your beloved friend or family member is being terribly mistreated. Nightmare.

Incidentally...I think helplessness...and the inability to protect and guard the girl I love...is a great fear of mine. And I look around..and sometimes am very puzzled, wondering why girls are being mistreated, bullied and treated harshly by brothers, husbands, boyfriends, or other guys. I thought that girls were created for guys to cherish and adore =P and well...as a guy I would say that girls are very adorable hahaha and do not deserve to be treated that badly. Well...forgive my biaseness =P

P.S. To all guys out there, yes I know, not all girls are adorable =P but most of them are? haha

After such a long narration and hoping that no one reading this will fall asleep, I end here, at the close.

I open at the close ;)

I would like to end by saluting J.K. Rowling, for a well produced series of magical, reader-captivating books. The journey with Harry Potter has sadly come to an end at last. I will miss him and all the wonderful characters of the wizarding world that has helped to give colour and light into my life.

Praise the Lord for such a wondrous piece of masterful literature!

Oh and by the way...the Harry Potter Cinemas and Movies sux. I feel quite alot for the books...because the movies...especially the 4th and probably the 5th as well are an INSULT, I repeat, an INSULT to the books!!!!

The movies have failed to capture the magical essence of the plot and turned a masterpiece into a PRODUCT produced and sold for immense PROFIT.

I only watch the movies because I wish to see how it turns out...it can be interesting to see the director's point of view...but in the end they cut out too much of it for the movie to be successful. Many people go there only because its such a craze and they just follow the crowd. Others go to drool over Daniel and Emma.

There is no way, if I had watched the movie first, believe that the books are fantastic.

=) Peace to you all. HAHAHA

Clarification

2007-07-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone =)

I would just like to clarify some of the things i said in my previous post and erm haha talk a little bit more about relationships.

Now I know that I am not the leading authority of relationships and have not all wisdom and understanding about things. So for he/she who despises my views and my opinions, I want to say I'm sorry. I just wish for free expression of my own views on my own blog. I do not insist that I am right nor am I saying that others are wrong.

Being in a relationship seems like such a simple thing, all about the other person, spending time with him/her, the hugs, the kisses, the love notes, the batting eyelashes, the shyness, the gossips, the slanders, the dating, the phone calls, the heavy smsing, lovey-dovey speech, love, love and all about love and more love, coupled with suanning, the occasional sneer and the sideglance at that-couple-over-there-speaking-sweet-nothings-to-each-other.

At least before I considered committing myself to a girl, that was what I thought relationships are all about. It is a companion you can have, someone who will listen to your woes, be nice to you, buy you presents, hug you when you are feeling sad and lend you a shoulder to cry on. But being in a serious relationship is just nothing like that. Its nothing light and is definitely nothing seriously funny.

I wouldn't laugh if someone told me he was getting married.

But yea, being in a serious relationship kind of boasts that kind of seriousness. It is about being seriously committed to someone whom you are considering as a potential spouse. The dating process is merely a phase whereby you discover if this person is suited to you, settle your differences and see if your personalities match well enough for the couple to wed.

I would call it making an informed decison before marriage. Is being committed funny? I don't think so...for the person who is trying to manage his or her commitment. It is alot of hardwork and managing a proper relationship is probably one of the hardest things you'll find yourself doing in this lifetime.

In the past, I would look at a girl, see that she's great, "fall in love" and start to try and woo her, suffering the pangs of a crush for several months, getting into depression and deep longing for the girl who by the way, is not even close to in any sense. I may not even know her name =)

Me, I don't believe in love at first sight anymore. I don't believe in true love developing in a moment of weeks. I would say that love takes years to cultivate and grow. You can easily spend 4 years with a person and suddenly break up with him/her the very next day. If true love were involved here, the couple would remain friends even after breaking up, understanding that they are not suited for each other.

As for Qiao ru, I cannot with confidence say that I love her deeply and sincerely. I can't, even though I've known her for about 3+ years. But my love for her currently remains at the friendship and sibling level...and I can safely declare that I do love her alot as my buddy and my sister.

Relationship love? I'm not so confident. I'm not that bold to say that I am. Time reveals much.

There is a significant difference dating a close friend and dating a girl you have only known for a week or a month. There is a fresh and new level of closeness and comfort and companionship that assuredly I say, can only be offered you by a friend or a family member. I wouldn't encourage dating someone you can't even be open up to, to talk about your own personal life instead of just crapping and having fun.

I had a very close friendship with a friend once. For 4 years. We laughed, we talked, we crapped, we had fun. The moment we left our secondary school, we lost touch and now only talk 5-10 times a year. Crapping builds very weak friendship but deceptively portrays very strong bonds between people and solid friendships. In my opinion, dating people that you have a crapper's relationship with is wrong. There isn't anything deeper than what's on the surface. The moment you date this wonderfully joyous he/her who is wonderful companion because of his ability to crack comical jokes and make you laugh, you will discover the uglier side of the person.

When you see it, you may want to leave him/her. Oh...but so sad, you've commited yourself to a relationship. How? Break up? How many times should we conduct trial and error and keep on breaking up until we find the right one?

I've said so much. =) But as usual, no one understands what I have just said and no one will listen too. Why? Relationships are a very complex thing. I know, because I didn't listen when I was counselled. I dove into it anyway and confessed to the girl. Its hard to understand it, when you haven't gone through it yourself.

I just wanted to cry out that taking care of someone else is NOT easy. And DON'T argue this point with me =)

In the past 8 months, I would say that I have learnt to take relationships very seriously or more seriously. As I said above, I'm not all wise, not all mature, I may still be wrong and still have a streak of childishness in me when I say I love Qiaoru.

But yea...does anyone know how much thought I've given to the relationship? I have had sleepless, worried nights, many prayers that have wasted my eye with grief. I have been through countless problems, struggles and other nonsense because I and Qiaoru, after much communication, found out that we possess very different personalities that cause great conflict if we do not have the ability to understand one another and communicate effectively.

Men are from Mars, Women, from Venus.

If you are willing to commit to a relationship, what about the other person? Are you sure you know your partner well enough before you date him/her? He/she may be living a double life. Are you and your partner willing to communicate and solve problems together and stick together no matter how terrible things become? Are you sure that you and your partner have a very strong bond? Can you stand the test of time? Have I told my parents? Will your partner tell his/her parents? Can both stay accountable to leaders and parents? What about the spiritual life of the two? Can the guy lead her on in their spiritual walk? Is there a purpose, a goal to your relationship? Or are you looking for hugs and kisses?

So many things to think about, so many worries =) So many people would say that I worry too much, being negative and I should just trust God for my relationships.

The truth is here, even if people do not like to know it. Lets not be rash and suffer emotional hurts and traumas like I have. =) If I understood what it meant, to get to know Qiaoru more before I made my confession to her, I probably would have felt better.

People say, "But I now having a crush on someone already v cham!"

=) Then you go and confess to the person, then come back and tell me if confess already more cham or before confession more cham.

It took me and Qiaoru alot of strength, determination, perserverance and careful thought and additional counsel to remain friends to this day. It was a stiff and tough journey, but very rewarding when we think of all the relationship devils we have overcome. But the moment we defeat one devil, a tougher one appears and we have to contend with it. It can become very tiring.

By the way, the more you underestimate the devil the more powerful he becomes. When we underestimate the devil, we say "Of course I can do all these things, Jesus is with me!" Haha, of course positive confession is good. But when you really get hit by depression by the devil, lets see how weak he really is.

Never say I CAN with too much confidence. Because the devil will come and challenge you and things suddenly seem to be harder than before.

I just wish to make myself clear that I am not promoting relationships, even if it may seem that I am on the verge of entering into one. Nor am I saying that because I have taken my relationship life with serious consideration that I despise those who do not. Again I say, I myself have not all wisdom. This entry might even be a pile of garbage to the Wise.

Getting into a relationship is not wrong. But a relationship with someone is still something very precious and important to God because well, He takes our relationship with Him very very seriously.

I just want to say...do think through before you decide to enter into one. =) If I and Qiaoru should get together one day...do remember that it was not easy to have come so far, not easy at all to have chosen each other. The reasons involved are far more deeper than, "Oh I think she is cute or she has a good heart or oh, she cares so much for others I'm so moved."

AND I'm NOT boasting, "Wahaha! Look! We have had the strength to come so far. Can you do it? I don't think so! BLEH!"

No motive, nothing behind this entry. All I want to say is...

Don't simplify, misinterpret and misunderstand what LOVE and relationships is all about. If someone hasn't been in one and tells me he/she understands all about relationships, then someone needs to be delivered from the spirit of lies or spirit of haughtiness haha because even as I write this, I can't claim to understand EVERYTHING about relationships. I'm just sharing what little I know.

And also I wish to say that IF I and Qiaoru do get together one day, I hope to have your respect, not treating our relationship lightly or believing that we are together purely because we have had the emotions and the feelings for each other.

Despite the feelings, we are still just good friends now...do view us as such...sometimes it just feels like a crime for me to talk to her because we don't want people to think that we are together. I don't talk to her just because "Oh, but boyfriend and girlfriend always spend time together de ma!!"

=) Yea right. Are close friends not even allowed 5 mins to talk to each other without people saying, "Wah you know ah...these two they are always together."?

If I as a close friend, am not allowed to spend time with her without people saying, "Why are the both of you so close?", then should I stop talking to her completely so as to convince people that we are not together?

Maybe I have been talking nonsense. Maybe all throughout this entry I've not been making sense to some people. But I've said my piece and I rest my case.

Glory to the Father for a wonderful friend and of course the CG =) Amen.

I'm back =)

2007-06-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

Hello...blog...haha...

I realise that I haven't been here in ages...well most of the time...there really isnt anything much I wish to make public declarations of...

The past few weeks, well probably the last two months have been some of the worst I have gone through since september last year. Its weird...I thought that a kitchen environment would make me happy and encourage me to study with increased motivation. Curiously I dread the return to school...is it because of the people? Well I would say most probably...and the chefs have decided to up the discipline standards...I feel so nervous that i'm breaking out in sweat, with the fan blowing at me on a cool night.

I guess...new places, new demons. Sighs. I feel that I am being pressed down on all sides...having been spiritually dry for about a month, worrying about evangelism, stressing myself over church works, cracking up about people I can't stand...doing things I hate to do, not being able to find the rest I wish I could find...and now having to manage relationships with a great number of people which I constantly find so tiring.

It is ironic how building a relationship with someone can be so natural...such a normal part of human life as much as breathing is but its complexity is far beyond simple comprehension. It really is one of the hardest things to do in life =) ....and I think by far it is giving me the most problems...here my character is being put to the test as I continue to be burned in the fire as I interact with people and constantly finding ugly things...things that I would rather avoid and run away from but at the same time, having to stand and face them like a good soldier of Christ. s

I am terrified, farned, stressed and tired out. If only every single person was nice and friendly... like how I felt when I first joined S23...it seems like I found somewhere where I feel safe. The world out there is so scary...

Now that almost entire cg has found out about me and qiao ru, there is no point hiding it anymore...if I was hiding it in the first place...haha...and if anyone reads this anyway...

Well...its always nice to have someone...besides God who sometimes seems so far away. When I become frightened of the people around me...its nice to have a friendly face and a comforting voice, knowing that this is a friend that you can trust...and even if the world would be nasty to me, God wouldn't be...and qiao ru wouldn't be. =)

Sometimes...I just don't wish to care anymore...too tired...too stressed...too burdened by fear to go on. I just want to sit in comfortable places and find people I can trust...find people who...will be nice and friendly...after ...what seems like so much coldness and harshness out there in the world. Friends come and go so easily...and it doesn't matter how close you once were...

I try to smile...try to be sociable...try to extend a hand of friendship =) but sometimes, I'm tired of smiling for people. I like the theme song in bleach...some of the lyrics said, "its ok to smile for yourself...your wings are just tired from the clear blue sky...or even if you can't let go of the past, I'll still be there to meet you tomorrow...haha reminds me of QR...and God.

God...why is it so hard for me to find You? Didn't You say that seek and you will find, ask and it will be given, knock and it will be open to you? When I am tired and lonely, where were You? When I felt that the darkness is creeping into my heart and my spirit was distressed where were You?

GOD!!! It is not enough that You should come by means of the Holy Spirit to fill my heart with joy and laughter....it is not enough that You satisfy my spirit....it is not enough that You promise me good things and give me hope.

Enough, Lord...of talks about blessings and the future...I just needed You to carry me over now...I never needed to know that I will prosper or go to heaven...nothing matters anymore. All I wanted was not just to feel You...I wanted to see You....I wanted to be with You...I wanted a hug from You...I wanted to lie in Your arms and be still...and weep into Your shoulder and find peace....

Lord...You may be with me always in the spirit...but I very much desire to find You in a form that I can see...a form that I may touch...to look into Your loving eyes and be lost forever...

LORD!!! Why are You hidden away from me that I may feel but cannot see, that I may cry but not know why, to be touched but not see the Hand that touched me...

But Lord, yes, I thank You for Your lovingkindness and mercy that has lifted me up and seem me through...even as I cried alone You were there, as I was frustrated You were there, even as I contemplated thoughts of hurt towards others and wanting to leave You and leave the church, You were there, as I was overwhelmed by sorrow You were there...

I don't know how to say thank You anymore...just...My God my God how much You have loved me to have called me to this blessed Church where You have placed a wonderful pastor in my life who leads me to find You for who You are. By this alone, Father, You truly loved me, so much that You brought me to the right place...so that I might find You.

=) Lord, I love You and my heart is Yours.

Qiaoru...my dearest buddy =)

I just wanted to say...thank you for everything you have done, for helping me through and being strong for me, for being kind with words and understanding at heart. There may be many times...when things between us become very harsh, storms come and go and we both feel so sian and emotionally tired.

But everyday, the journey with you has been an amazing one =) I would never look back and say I regret ever liking you. I thank God and thank you that you have been such a blessing in my life... You have been a great pillar of help and support =) I wish to care for you too and hope that I can be as great a blessing in your life as you have been in mine.

Thank you for the fun times, the laughter and the nonsense and the irritating things, thank you for your company, your warmth, comfort and your faithfulness towards me. Thank you for trying hard to give me the very best of you in all things. hehe.

Nothing to say? haha

Well...we have come a long way together =) and yea I no longer feel that its a schoolboy having a crush on a schoolgirl...haha...it feels deeper and much closer and more meaningful than anything I've ever felt...and I'm happy haha...despite the occasional sianness =P I look forward to going new places with you and to see new things and to walk new roads with you hehe =)

Chua Khar Loo...haha...I think you're awesome =) Love you alot =) Smile hahaha

24/2/07 - Smiley buddies

Hehe =)

Baruch Adonai

2007-04-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

I would sit by the silent lakes
Down under shade of trees
Have the wind fill my lungs
My hair rustling in the breeze

I wish to ponder and sift my thoughts
To discern the good and the wicked
To know the perfect and acceptable way of God
In a place without storm and tribulation

What is peace without the storm?
Would a man be proud of his accomplishment if he paid no price to attain it? Surely it is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth...oh but Lord, why something so heavy? The fire that You willed we pass through, it is more intense than the literal flame of the Earth. It consumes to the very bone, in a swift matter of seconds and crushes the heart that men may wish for death.

I know my enemy and how great is his might - it is nothing!

I declare that too quickly...for I know not what he can do. How often are we left without knowledge of the enemy's attacks, not even knowing when we have been tricked, continuing down the path of doom?

I may only plead that the Lord guide us back to His way and His light. The lies of the enemy are many and he ensnares with power as great as the One Ring. I have no idea where this entry is going...I'm lost and confused about why I feel this way sometimes and why I feel this way at other times.

I feel weak...fully incapable of managing my emotions and my thoughts and my fears. I can only trust that God will come through for me.

In the area concerning relationships, with a girl I profess to love, there I seem always to find my greatest trials and my greatest burdens. There are those who say that a relationship is not worth the pain. But I believe that the fruit of relationships come by endurance, patience and through endurance, that trust, faith, peace and love is developed and allowed to grow.

I would have lost heart, unless I believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, says David in the book of Psalms.

The only comfort of burden is the Lord.
The only motivational force is the glory that comes after the pain.

Take courage...for the Lord restores the lost at heart. For even now I am grieved without understanding, struck and depressed without knowledge. We always wish that life can go as we want it to. But it doesn't.

Baruch Adonai! Blessed is the Lord God Almighty!

He will remeber the fruit of our sacrifices and how we bore the cross for His name's sake and will heap great rewards for us, not just in heaven, but also in the land of the living. =) Amen.

A Dragon's tale

2007-03-31T22:40:00.000+08:00

Allow me to tell a tale of The Dragon and the Tree

Once upon a time, there lived a great dragon in a lonely cave of great grey stones.

The dragon detested the heat of the sun and refused to go out into the sunshine but he very much desired to go out into the open and play.

Many years went by and the dragon dwelled alone, hoping and wishing for more than just his little cave.

A great tree sprang up over time, near the mouth of the cave and it grew bigger and bigger each day. When it was big enough to be noticed, the dragon found it beautiful and neared the mouth of the cave to talk to the tree.

They spoke day in and day out for the tree was a great companion and friend.

One day the tree grew so large that it provided a mightly shade at the entrance of the cave.

"Come, come into the shade and be closer with me!" said the tree.

Being in doubt, the dragon asked nervously, "Really? You want me out?"

The tree spoke in soft caring tones and replied, "Yes, do come out. Let our friendship move up another level."

And so out went the dragon and the sights he saw, even frm where the tree provided shade, was amazing to him and he was glad. Thus he spoke more often to the tree, coming out day in and out to be with the tree.

Yet one day, the dragon fell ill with a sickness. The illness was a heavy burden to him and he could hardly move.

Concerned, the tree often peered into the cave and asked after the dragon.

But the dragon was often discomforted, in far too much pain to bother. He was angered and irritated by the tree's simple words of comfort. He wished that the tree would do something more than stand in a place of happiness and try to make him smile.

In his pain and irritation one day, he roared against the tree saying, "Shut up. Go your way and seek your happiness. An ill dragon is not fit to be your friend."

Hurt, the tree replied, "But I still care about you."

Really annoyed, the dragon blew a mighty blast of flame out of the cave and burnt the tree to ashes in an instant.

Soon, the dragon recovered and he shuffled towards the exit of the cave, peering at the ashes. And he wept. He cried and sobbed a great many heart breaking tears into the ashes, his claws ran through them and he stared at them all day.

His stout heart broke and the mighty dragon was humbled into nothingness.

"I'm sorry my dear buddy," was what he said. "I'm ever so sorry..."

But it was too late. The tree had left and there left the lonely dragon in his lonely cave, forever and ever after.

I'm sorry buddy......for everything.....=(

The feather and the wind

2006-11-30T19:25:00.000+08:00

Up flies the feather, light and swift
Borne by the wind that comes from the East
Its own fate it cannot control
Tossed and twirled like the wind that blows

Oh glorious is the day when the wind lifts high
Up goes the feather into bright blue skies
Sights and sounds and wonders seen
Waters touched with a shimmering sheen

Ah but what when the wind withdraws
Its strength dies and the feather ceases to soar
Lower it falls into the deeper pits
In the darkness, alone it sits

O ever does the feather wait
Upon the wind to play its little trick
And up from darkness does it go
Into sunlight that reaches not below

The only joy that a feather has
Is to be carried by wind its best friend
It dreads the failing of the Eastern wind
For with its comes depression ever kee

Let the feather not depart from wind's embrace
Let it be kept close to wind's gentle face
Let the feather bask in love eternal
Let its sorrows be buried forever

The road goes ever on and on

2006-11-15T13:43:00.000+08:00

Hello! I have returned! But sadly, though things are running for the most part, not all is well altogether. Some things have picked up, other things have been running downwards. It is a continous spiral of events, going round and round and round again. The road goes ever on and on as Tolkien once said and wither does it lead? None can tell.

School life has picked up once again and this is the first time I am feeling the fire of the mountain load of work that has descended upon me. Not that it poses any problem actually and it certainly isn't much stress but when other factors come in, that is when the work load becomes heavier. If you run with a feather, you are light and free. If you run with a feather and a brick is tied to your leg, does the feather not become tiresome also?

Its just that there are so many things to keep track of at once that I am losing my ability to organise and plan my events anymore. Not only is there school work, but there are other areas of life such as friendship connections, the church, my work life, my family and of course time for sleep, fun and relaxation.

How difficult it is to go off to school early and then come back late, already not having time to play and yet still having to focus on subjects. On the other hand, even when travelling, I can receive smses for all different things, work, friends, prayer meetings, bible studies, feedback collection, work from Suntec and also the many other events organised by TP such as the CCM forum and the SPCA talk and flag day. I don't even know which smses are for what anymore, my phone is in a mess.

During the weekends, that is the only time avaliable for work at Suntec or Pan pac, thus naturally I would have to sin up for work on either one of the two days. But at the same time, church also fals on either one of two days and sometimes it takes up both days. With cell group ending late on a friday night, only a few hours of sleep is squeezed in before I work on saturday and then continue rushing on to church. When I come back late on a church sat, and then sun is another fierce day of work.

If I am totally work oriented, I would have already shut out all forms of communication with the people around me, except for my dear classmates whom I see everyday. But fortunately, there is destress, comfort and happiness when talking to friends and having great times of fellowship, so in a way, its good sometimes to set work aside for awhile and just calm down.

Unfortunately, not everything has been smooth thus far. Friendships require effort to maintain and upkeep, work requires initiative, time, effort and committment, school work requires all the emergy I have simply to maintain focus during lectures and to uphold a hardworking and enthusiastic project for my projects and lastly there is the church which I feel has been slipping from me lately. My walk with the Lord seems to be moving further away from me and at the same time, responsibilities have doubled or even tripled compared to the last month.

Everything is contributing a significant amount of stress until a mountain is formed. Where shall I find my rest? In the Lord my God? Yes indeed....but how distant is He from me and where is that presence which I long for but cannot feel?

One step at a time perhaps is good advice and good counsel. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?? THERE IS NO MORE SUCH THINGS AS SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE BECAUSE....THERE IS NO TIME!! I have to settle everything in the fastest time possible...and I mean EVERYTHING!!!

All is vanity

2006-11-07T18:26:00.000+08:00

Blogging is in vain...as long as there is nothing worth blogging, there will be nothing to say. What use is a blog when I cant even convey my thoughts and my feelings? What good is a blog when all your thoughts and your feelings are personal? How can I use this blog when I have nothing to share with the public?

Farewell...when my blog resumes, all is well.

Muddle-headedness

2006-11-06T11:57:00.001+08:00

So far, so much in the secular world has been wondrous and fairly great. My class is doing well and though I have joined new classes, the people there are nice and friendly and I have little trouble getting along with them. New project groups have been formed and my new subjects have more or less been introduced to me that I may know how boring they are =P

I can't wait for the beginning of year 2 when Culinary Practicum shall be introduced as a core subject and perhaps only when I enter the kitchen will I find true joy in school. But every blessing seems to come with a compromise. As I enter into Year 2 I will be apart from my current class, though a number of them will follow me up. I'm quite sad to think that well, I am not going to be able to enter kitchen with 1Jo2, the class that has brought me much joy and laughter, taking away stress in difficult times.

For now, projects can be quite tiring since they are all about business and management, research and surveys. On top of having to focus on subjects that I don't really enjoy, also I seem to be struggling in some areas of friendship that lie beyond the school itself. Everyday I walk in stress and worry, waiting on the promises of He who is faithful to come to pass and that may take several years! Still patience is a good habit to cultivate.

Still...how wish I that everything were so swiftly solved and that my life can be once more filled with joy and wonder, to be happy and to be filled, to live out life according to one purpose: And that is to live it to the fullest according to His will.

I try not to worry, to focus, but it can be so difficult, when at the same time facing friendship and relationship crisis that all my energy alone is spent dealing with such issues. Perhaps it is but folly and I should greater wisdom in lifting it up to the Heavens that all my worries shall be apart and away. But there will always be a heaviness of heart that will not go, a genunine joy that will not come and an affliction is never forgotten. Peace is momentarily.

And all know, to deny your feelings would be to destroy yourself. How? When shall my joy and deliverance come? I need only persevere and hold fast to the Promises lest I be swept away by the tide that comes and the storm that rages.

Class is starting. Farewell. =)

Muddle-headedness

2006-11-06T11:57:00.000+08:00

Where do I go? What do I do?

2006-11-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

A muddled sheep in the mountains walks......

And thus have I walked in the shadow for what seems like several years already, for it is like a new era or chapter of my life has begun. School has become more unpleasant....or rather less pleasant for it is still enjoyable, only certain thorns have propped up in the midst of a once smooth field of grass that running barefooted no longer seems like such an enjoyable task.

School is always fun I could say, because of the number of people that I have come to know there, the multitude of familiar faces and also my wonderfully crappish classmates with whom I can behave most naturally: Ah the wondefully crappy, happy and carefree me. I never count a place to be a truly happy one, when it is someplace where I cannot let it all go...the madness, the sheer joy and the explosive fun that belches forth un controllably without warning. There is this very unique and wondrous high-ness that may seem like an aftermath of considerable drug abuse or excessive drinking that just fills me at certain times and a smile just sticks to my face.

School is a wonderfully hilarious place, where my smiles bring new smiles and other smiles bring my own smiles. Everywhere, smiles are reflected back into bigger smiles. There is an aura of joy around my classmates that hardly fails to fill the gaping hole in my empty heart when I am often alone and the joy that seizes me can be so great. Its like...liberty...a free world amongst them where I do not feel any constrain to behave in a way that everyone is expected to conform to. Its happy.

The sad thing? The pain? Is that so many of the subjects now are so incredibly boring. Its quite horrendous to find that I am understanding nothing, and that none of the topics are catching my eye. I can only reserve my applause and deal out my yawns. In anycase, such is a small matter and good companionship is all that I need to survive whatever horrors await me in classrooms and lecture theatres.

In anycase, I also wish to give thanks for good and close friendships, for times of sharing and times of great joy in good company. I think that love amongst friends is really something magical and wonderful. I no longer want to add on all those old and cliche lines that speak of treasuring friendships for they are hard to come by, but rather I wish to praise its wondrous existence...that with good friends, silent companionship, even over the phone can sometimes be such a release from everyday hurts and wounds. It heals. It supports. It helps. It comforts. It delights. It excites. It fills. I think the package is complete.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is Good! Amen!

A shattered heart

2006-10-25T22:32:00.000+08:00

You have shattered my heart of glass
Which I have entrusted into your loving care
Your hand has slipped and it fell
And into a million pieces it has become

I sought you in many places
Waiting until sun is old and moon is dead
You then appeared before me
As one that I have longed to behold for eternity

For all my patience you cast me down
For my perseverance you shunned me
Throughout the day your eye turned to all
But where I stood, there is a blind spot

So many times I had you alone
And we spoke until the sun faded the moon
I basked in the joy of your presence
Fearing the moment that you would go

You arose and departed without a backward glance
And my gaze pierced into your back
Hoping against hope to see you turn
To see that smile and hear that laughter

Am I but a pawn in your circle?
That which you may use to your convenience?
Do I bear no significance in your heart?
Like the dust that is tossed by the wind?

I wrote to you letters of a thousand words
And laid bare the agony of my being
To see you and not being able to gain
The joy of your wondrous presence

You said to give me comfort
You said to lift my shame
You promised to be there forever
You promised to hear my pain

But where my gaze glanced
It fell only upon your shadow
And it passes away swiftly
As if descending into the pits

I sought you but found you with others
And your laughter carried with them
But your smiles died with me
And I could not partake of your joy

I need you with me, forever and ever
Just to be around when I'm down
That by your love you may hold me
That in your company I am joyous

I wish to hear your laughter forever
And see that sweet smile on your face
To see joy flowing through you
And to make you happy always

Do you know the pain of desire?
When it can never be fulfilled?
To where do I find relief?
Only you I'm eager to seek

My sighs create a gale
I drown in an ocean of thoughts
I pain in my depression
Knowing that you care not

I so deeply ever want
Only you to know my pain
All that I'm going through
All because you were there

Will you pick up the fragments?
And restore it back to a whole?
With the love that you carry in your bosom
To mend the deepest wounds of my heart

A poem by Clarence Chue, when he was under the flame of depression. The poem is a representation and does in NO WAY, accurately refer to anyone in my life.

My pain and my shame

2006-10-21T11:58:00.000+08:00

Hello all once again! This is the third painting of the series and I title it Agony. Actually, there is no sequence to the emotional paintings for who has his emotions organised and chronologocally felt and expressed?

The plains and dark and barren and the sky is dark and cloudy, filled with the fumes of a great and blasting volcano. Even the bright light of the sun cannot pierce through the terrible smog and the winds do not have the power to clear it. For this is the closing darkness.

Behold the great tree that is man (or me). Behold how its boughs are twisted and how it is leafless! It has twisted in such terrible and sheer agony that something within wants to erupt and explode out, crying out in all its pain, not being able to bear it any longer, for all know that the molten larva is hot and what tree may stand against it?

The volcano is the symbol of that frustration in the hearts of those who are going through a terrible agony. It bursts out and belches forth great fumes and molten larva asthe pain has been bottled up too long within its very body and thus it erupts into a flare for it can no longer contain it.

This is the agony with which I have cried many times, where tears have flowed from me like the rivers of molten magma, that which each breath I exhale terrible fumes.

From whence came this agony? Ahh...from many of my other paintings actually. From the works titled Desire, Anticipation, Depression and Loneliness.

Need anymore be said?

I shall trust in the Lord my God for surely He wants us to cry out to Him like an erupting volcano and His answers shall speedily come. Amen!

O Shout to the Lord!! Hallelujah!

My greatest fear

2006-10-21T11:35:00.000+08:00

Hello all once again! This is the second painting in my series which I title Loneliness. Actually I think such a painting need hardly be explained. But I shall do so anyway. I feel that it can be interpreted in two ways.

The first: The lone tree has been left in the middle of a once great forest. Why? If you look closely is the tree not unusual? Why is it like plastic? When the woodcutters came for their wood, they took every tree but that and left it standing. Cutters of wood have taken away the companions of the lone tree.

The second: Because of how weird it is, the other trees have left it. They have moved away to where they will not be around that great tree and see now they gather against it behind, whispering behind its back and speaking ill of it.

How does this apply me? Haha...well...let us see. In situation one, I think that it its not really true in my life, but it has happened before. I have had some friends taken away from me by others and then, having lost their friendship, I was great sorrowful in the heart. For most part now, is mainly a very great fear of falling back into that situation.

For in the past I used to be well...quite friendless for the whole of my primary school life. The first two years of secondary school also...the number of friends I had was quite sad...mainly because I suppose I don't take joy in all the things that the guys are doing. Dota...anime...manga...soccer...argh...buay tahan. Haha. Not having known true friendship before, having found some now, of course I would cling tightly to it instead of letting it go! For it is a most treasured possession. Though I do live in fear that someday they too will be lost not because I let them go but that they were taken by others.

Scenario two, amazingly, such an incident also happened in my life. One or two people have avoided me because of who I am and it took me great trouble to get them back in my life, over which I have suffered much. It really made me doubt my selfworth and significance, up to the point where I would have felt completely and utterly useless if not for the help and support of the Lord my God and several dear friends.

But when's all been said, in the end, the most basic thing that I'm trying to put across is loneliness. As I have stated in a previous blog entry, I wonder how it is possible to return from such a great gathering like a church service to end up going home feeling very downcast and lonely? I cling on to msn why? Because through msn I am not lonely.... The desire of my heart? Good and close companionship.

But I will continue to seek the Lord my God, even until the day of my death, believing that He will do all things for me. Even if He doesn't wish to bless me, I care not anymore. For all that He has done already, it is enough for me to Praise Him all the days of my life. I have learnt that it is important to love Him not for what He can give me, but to love Him because He is God. Hallelujah!

Sing and clap all you peoples! For He is the Lord God Almighty! Amen.

Rending of heart and flesh

2006-10-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

This the is the work that I title Desire. Why is Desire such a terrible thing? Perhaps it is not. But it is an emotion that I have beheld, struggled with, been defeated by, rose again, only to be defeated again!

Desire is like an endless hunger, it keeps on coming until it is fulfilled. It has a significant power, perhaps more than you can ever imagine. I have been crushed, time and again, not having the desires of my heart fulfilled and its teeth is ever gnashing. If no food is fed into its mouth, it shall bite and destroy itself.

So I have chosen to place the venus flytrap on the tree that represents the hunger for something it cannot reach. Where is the abundance and the vast fruit and greenery? The desire and the lushness of the forest is split by the river that is murky and poisonous, one that is uncrossable. Why is this tree different from the others, in that its trunk is greyish and leafless. The flytrap has consumed most of its own leaves and the tree has become different, from all the other happy trees in the far off distance. They are different. Notice the pattern of the stones, they stretch out in all directions, the four fingers of a hand. They are reaching out to something they cannot get.

How can this be applied into my life? Can no one answer this themselves? I have faced desire time and again, beaten and beaten until it has been fulfilled. My patience wears thin while my hungry desire grows stronger day by day, such that I may sink even into depression. What is more painful than wanting something you can never have? It might be foolishness sure, but a very real desire nonetheless. It is painful to me and I dislike to bear it.

But it is inevitable. I shall continue to seek the Lord and build up the faith in me that He has already given me what I wish for. Only when my faith has been truly established in the Lord my God, perhaps then I would not lament over things that I can only get in 20 years.

Praise the Lord for He is Good! Amen.

AEP: My Life (1)

2006-10-14T11:46:00.000+08:00

I have done paintings for my O level art examination for AEP and well, what have I painted? In the secret places of my heart I so name them: My Life and its emotional experiences. In presentation, I put forth the idea of man and his possible and highly likely emotional struggles of which is displayed above.

Why the plant in the middle? I feel that man is like the plant. Or shall I say, the stem of the plant. How green are the leaves? How deep do the roots go? Has it been infested with parasites or foreign objects? Such is the consequences of the actions of man. And around man, are 6 emotional struggles painted out, each as you will notice, have a tree to represent man in the middle.

I shall name them, from the volcano painting first, and moving in a clockwise direction. They are: Agony, Elation, Desire, Anticipation, Depression and Loneliness.
(Click on the picture for enlarged view)

In my blog here I shall begin a short series about describing how each painting is a reflection of my own life now, back then and in the future to come. Each painting shall be enlarged in future posts, not only for the purposes of displaying my work (which by the way, I consider it my pride and joy, having little talent in the artistic realm), but also, I wish to narrate the events of my own life, in a less boring manner.

Sadly I only got a B3 for this project, even after having slogged at it for an entire year. Praise the Lord that they are now sitting in my room at home. I have been to school to rescue them from the clutches of dust and darkness as they sit lonely and forgotten in the AEP storeroom. They shall remain with me forever.

Why suddenly this? =) Hmm, Friends, can I say that at this moment I have been cast into a refining fire, being broken down, ripped apart, torn and cast into the valley of darkness where I am teaching myself to swim and reach for the fertile soils?

I have a desire to take root and grow like a mighty tree out of the valley as the sun leads me to my breakthroughs. It is a phase of depession that I am willing to go through to endure as my Lord God bade me. Fear not for me. I only ask that you smile often in my presence that I might partake of your joys, knowing at least that the world around me is still bright and wonderful though I cannot see. But by faith, I have seen the light and thus keep the light strong until I come up and grow lamps of my own.

I embrace my depression with a steeled heart and I will walk through it with the fire of the living God. After having tried to find relief and support sources from my own thinking and close friends, I realised that relief is impossible to achieve at this moment.

Something powerful is at work here my dear brothers and sisters (in Christ) and friends also! That nothing on Earth may grant me my joy, no matter what anyone does or says, it matters not. My depression is from the Lord and it is by His will that I walk through the fire now as I have bade Him make me.

Haha. It is actually very strange to feel happy and depressed at the same time...so I believe that the Lord is at work. Praise Him. The Lord has given me His assurance, that my breakthrough shall be great, that the prize He has in store for me, is greater than anything I can ever hope for. But my suffering shall be long and the sacrifice is more terrible than even I can imagine. Only those who have been truly depressed know what I am going through.

I think it is quite amazing (though tiring) to know that even my loved ones cannot offer me a road out of th depression. It is a clear sign to me that I shall no longer seek man for comfort but the Lord. Hallelujah.

For Psalm 69 says that:
Verse 1-2:
Save me, O God!
For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the deep mire,
Where there is no standing;
I have come into deep waters,
Where the flood overflow me.

Verse 20:
I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none;
And for comforters but I found none.

And verse 13:
But as for me, my prayer is to You,
O Lord in the acceptable time;
O God in the multitude of Your mercy,
Hear me in the truth of Your salvation.

Psalm 27:14 says:
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

My heart is steeled and I stand ready before the Lord. Bless Him for He is Good! Praise the Lord! Amen. =)

Life flows like the river

2006-10-14T11:17:00.000+08:00

And so the waters gush and flow
From the mountains high and low
Through the plains and past the fields
Through great valleys and great hills
Goes the rivers flow and flow

The terrain changes ever and ever
From the arid plains to the fertile soil
From barrenness to fruitfulness
With high speed and with low
Goes the rivers flow and flow

Where will the water go?
Past the rocks and nodding plants
Past the populated banks of green
Under the skies twisting to and fro
To the seas rivers flow and flow

When shall the rivers reach the destined sea?
And in what state does it flow?
From wither did it come?
To where is it headed for?
In vanity I hope not, rivers shall flow and flow

Shall the waters churn and boil?
Raging like the molten stream?
Passing through lands aglow
Shall all who touch it reel with pain?
That such is shunned and cast away?

Shall the waters rush and flow?
Eyes and ears all blind to life
To the beauty it could have beheld?
Or shall it pass that its surroundings are shadows?
That it desires only to seek the seas

Shall the waters be of murkish green?
Poisonous foul and arid?
Surely this is the deathbringer
And it destroys even the seas
A place shall be aside for these

Shall the waters be all still?
Deep and stagnant of rotting filth?
Wind shall not move it
For it is cut off and will not flow
Its lot are the swamps and muddy pools

Shall the water be as a wave?
Great and terrible and destructive?
That cities are consumed
That men perish by its glare alone
That its fingers should ensnare souls

Or shall the water be its useful tool?
A friend to one and all in needy times
A blessing upon the cursed lands
Like the rain that falls upon the crop
And the waters that beautify a scene

Shall not the waters be a gentle wave
Blown calmly by the breeze?
That all might delight by its gentle touch
And the coolness that it brings
Blessed are waters such as these

And shall the waters find good soil?
And sowing seed that fruit may grow?
In abundance waters may bring forth
For riches lie in its very soul
Reach the seas in peace and in blessings

Thank the Lord for the water in your heart
For surely by Him it will be good
Let it not have terrible reign
But let it be blessed as welcome rain
Blessed be your waters

Ascend to the skies O you good waters
Take your place amongst the clouds!
And find your place with the Lord
That He may use you for a purpose
That you might be the rain that He sends

Pure blameless and holy shall you come
Down in a gentle pour
And all shall rejoice in this day
For you surely come down in victory
As the shower of blessings of the Lord

And to the deadness of the Earth life will come
That deserts will bloom its flower
That the earth with yield its fruit
That gardens will reign once more
And that all might be good in the sight of the Lord

Amen.

Babies!!

2006-10-05T01:08:00.000+08:00

Hee! You know I was just at Annie's house today, having personal bible study conducted by Sister Huijun. Well, there is always a great pleasure in going up there because that also happens to be the home of Annie's beloved son, Justin or aka Baby Justin.

I have to say, I really have met few babies as cute as this one. Even on the trains or buses I may come across parents wheeling prams with babies in or should I say just the average baby of the average Singaporean on an average Singaporean street on an average Singaporean day. But then I started using baby Justin as a benchmark to judge the cuteness of other babies (oops) and I found that there are very few who can compare. I'm guessing its his plump and rosy cheeks that make him so adorable. I think he is cuter than I was when I was little! (oh dear! Hows that possible? =P)

But the baby is a really fun bible study companion. Today he sat along with us as we were taught on his baby chair and listened to preaching of the Word, Praise the Lord. But he wouldn't keep completely still and is in this phase where grabbing things is like ultra fun. So he would play with pens and highlighters etc. There were many fun moments like when Sister Huijun was preaching midway when he started to violently shake his head as if to disagree with her...hee. But cute and Sister Huijun herself also very fond of him and will just gladly play along =)

Today was the first time I saw him smile and I thought I distinctively heard him say "hello" (or did I hear wrong?). Also, I was allowed to carry him for the very first time...hehe.

I just wish to say that well, babies are just so very heartwarming. I went up to Annie's house feeling a little down and left feeling very high. When the baby just reached out to me, it was like wow, the joy is there. I don't think I can express here how I felt when he reacted to me...it was just...wow. I just felt so happy carrying him, even if for only awhile. I think if I were the father or a brother I would have cried right then.

I just think babies are such great joy to behold and their company is great. They are a blessing from the Lord God. Of course I have seen only the good side of babies for today baby Justin was as good as gold. But is hardwork to raise a baby worth the joys it would bring? YES!!! Definitely!! Cheers!

Praise the Lord my God, and thanking Him for the presence of baby Justin on Earth. May he grow to be a powerful man of the Lord! Hallelujah! Amen.

The emptiness that dwelleths

2006-09-30T00:24:00.000+08:00

Loneliness and emptiness of the heart are terrible to behold and terrible to experience and I wonder if this is what I just have to live with?

I am in this stage of life, in my late teens, having an incredibly high need for social interaction which I am sad to say, cannot be easily fulfilled. Perhaps it was a mistake of how I lived life in the past or perhaps I am still in line to receive the Lord's blessings but it has come to this.

No, do not get me wrong about this. I am not alone nor am I utterly friendless in this world that I complain and lament of loneliness. I have many wonderful friends, blessings of the Lord my God, in church and in school, but all in all, I feel that I am close with no one.

Allow me to illustrate. Imagine a small village with many houses. At times when I attend church or go to school, everyone comes out of their houses. There is great fun and fellowshipping and then the bell rings and everyone has to scuttle back home. Everyone seems to have someone to go home with, save I who goes home alone. This 'home' which I am referring to, is a dearest and most close friend.

Even all my classmates, sure we gather and have fun in school, but after school? Everyone departs to their own homes and fellowships with their own friends in their own houses. My house is however, empty.

I have formed no clique, I have made no close friends, I go from place to place and there is free entry and exit of the existing cliques. I hang out with just anybody and anyone who will have me amongst them. In short I appear to be some sort of a loner who prefers to go around alone, needing people only to fulfill social needs.

But my desire for friendship extends beyond there. Thus, having left the company of great crowds eg. CG, sch, I find that I feel very empty in the heart. There is just no one left and I just seek refuge in games and cling on to msn for support. There is no depression, but at times just a sadness and a longing will come.

I wonder why? Is this normal? Am I thinking too much again? Are there close friends nearby whom I cannot see and their friendship is not felt? I will lend others my support, but who will lend me theirs?

I have once been over reliant upon people who I presumed to be dearest and closest friends and thus accidentally intruded into their personal space. It was a real pinch to find out at the end that I was like a burden to them (burden may be a little exaggerated), though their willingness to help was sincere. I illusioned and dreamed far too much and lost a close friendship which I thought I had gained. In the end it appears to be no more then a fool's hope. I was indulged in their house only out of the kindness of their hearts.

I wonder if I should just pull myself together and just accept life as a loner? Is that my preferred style of life? Or have I done something so terrible in the past that I am abhorred?

But even as I am blindfolded and fogged in a maze with no sense of clear direction, I will just continue to pray and trust in the Lord my God as I walk forward. No matter what, I cannot once more allow the things of the World to affect my duty, love and obedience to the Lord. I will continue to press on and wait for His counsel, His deliverance from my problems and await His great blessings, for His promises He shall keep to me. I want more than anything else, to be a powerful warrior of the Lord and to serve until the end of the age. I pray that the Lord will swiftly answer me and hasten to guide me and lead me lest I fall.

I begin to take up His cross and come after Him. But the cross is heavy and the lifting is hard. I promise never to give up or stumble for I will trust in Him always and if I have no closest friend, I actually need not fear for the Lord is my closest friend and brother. When I am alone in the house that I have returned to, I fellowship not with men but with the Lord my God.

Hallelujah!! Praise the Lord my God for His grace endures forever! I will strive to make it my one true aim in life: To develope a true and powerful, intimate relationship with my Father in Heaven.

Praise the Lord! Amen.

Mobile Catering at Suntec, my joy

2006-09-19T00:11:00.000+08:00

Hello all!! Smile. Now that I haven't blogged in awhile, I have loads to tell. Even though I'm fairly lazy right now, oh I'll narrate anyway. I feel that I haven't written in a long time.

To those who do not yet know, I was to join the mobile catering team at Suntec City in the IMF convention. I confess that at the beginning, I was terribly disappointed in my posting. I would have preferred entering either the hot or cold kitchen to work so that I may learn something extra that would aid me in my culinary practicum. But in my disappointment, I realised that God is good always =) and that I should not be disappointed. Surely something good will come of this. And I was right =) God is good!

The job is very basic. There are ten concession stands spread out in an orderly fashion, 4 on level 6 and 6 on level 4. Note the irony there. As long as any concession stand lacked food, we were to replenish. We were also taught to close and open the stalls. The baseline for this job is, if you get to slack, its terribly slack. If you get to work, its terribly busy, especially during closing and opening hours.

On the job I managed to make a number of new friends, many of whom belong to the same course so perhaps we'll see each other in the same class next year anyways. But I also got to meet alot of people from HTM (Hospi and Tourism) and LRM (Leisure and Resort) who manned the concession stands. Well, I thank God that I have broken through my shell of quietness, that at least I am more confident when speaking to strangers, being able to make small chat with those at the stands.

Being mobile, there is alot of walking to do, alot of exploration, alot to see and definitely alot of fun. With no offense to those in other kitchens, I would say that I would rather walk around and see everything than be stuck in a little kitchen decorating food. Why complain? I still got to eat alot =) It has been a most memorable experience for me and I've come to know many people along the way. The sad thing is that we may not recognise each other the next time we meet again in TP. But CKL said, "dat's life". Cruel isn't it? =)

I dearly miss illegally taking the food lifts, the stock taking, the high amount of social interaction, the smiles offered to the international delegates, the nicking of food from the kitchens, the camping beside bins when you know the chef is about to get rid of excess food, the tiredness of feet, the smell of the kitchens and the executive chef's office, the uniform, my beloved chef's hat (which if worn without the uniform looks terrible), my worldbank pass, the staff cafeteria sunspot, the seniors Jimmy, Run Xing, Daniel and Jackie....and I will miss all the joy and fun that I had...that was capable of taking away terrible things from my mind (if there were any in the first place).

I miss even the lethargy that came with the job and the satisfaction of a task well accomplished. I'm sad and will miss Suntec City, a convention centre that holds many memories dear to me. I hope each and every internaional delegate leaves Singapore with the same feeling as I left Suntec.

My heartaches. But all good things must come to a sorrowful end. But one good thing follows another I would say. Blessings and blessings be upon me! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord God almighty, giving Him thanks for my job and my friends and for everything that He has given me grace to experience. Praise the Lord. Amen.

My views of Life

2006-09-09T03:33:00.000+08:00

The fruit of labour is like water from a tap
How much you turn the tap determines how much water will flow

Problems are like giant trees
They grow from little seeds
Prevent the seed from growing before it is too late
Lest it becomes a tree whose roots are hidden

Problem is like a tree with a multitude of branches
Each branch is like a side effect, from the main trunk
It laughs at your face when you trim branches with shears
Oh but hark how it howls when you bring a gleaming axe?

Every problem must be fiercely confronted
All bad trees must be chopped down

Every depression is a battle
Win it with reason and positiveness

With every single lie there must be a truth
The only way to fight lies are by truths

Lies place you in captivity like a prison
But the truth is freedom from all bondage

Life is a like a year with four seasons
We must move with the flow

Life is ever changing, nothing is permanent
The only permanent thing is change

It is easier to teach a wise man by simple rebuke
Than it is to teach a fool with a hundred strokes

Communication is like a master key
It opens the doors to the heart

Communication is a definite tool
For it brings down solid walls between two

Friendship is like a great house
It is not built overnight
At the end of all labours
The house is good to live in

Labouring for God is like looking after a child
Despite all hardships, in the end its all worth it

One man's beauty is another man's ugliness
Nothing in the world is ugly nor is anything beautiful

Happiness is a way of the mind
It depends on how you view the world

Do not be swift to judge others
Lest it be turned back onto you

Do not be quick to make assumptions
For it will warp your mind and thinking

In every person there is a split personality
One is of righteousness, the other is of sin

Every person is like a pilot
Where you drive to affects all those onboard
Your compass is important
Seek counsel if in doubt
And who better than the Lord God, the compass in our hearts?

The journey of life has many forks
Be ever careful to pick the right lanes
Lest you go in circles
Or arrive at the wrong place

Abide by the Law of the world
Happy is he who does
Broken is he who does not

Labour steadily and slowly
Seek not the shortcuts
For in the Law of the universe
Is not found the word "Shortcuts"

Trials are like a bully
Cower and be beaten
Fight and be victorious

Life is a journey of a thousand thorns
Will you walk it with shoes or barefeet?

Riches are like gold at the end of the rainbow
Seek it zealously and find that in the end it is all a myth

Successes in life are like a skyscraper
We must be ever zealous to build it
If you have not yet laid down the foundation
How might you see the view from the top?

Friends and family are like your shield and armor
When you stand naked, full force of blade shall skewer you
But your loved ones fight and defend you

Friendship is like many chopsticks bunched together
It is never easy to break
Through greater trials more chopsticks are added
And it grows from strength to strength

Bear no hatred or resentment in heart
Lest you become the very thing you abhor

Anger may be made manifest from time to time
But let it set with the sun
Never letting it last as the moon shines
Rising with the morning sun

Poverty is like a thief at night
It strikes while you slumber in your beds

Riches are a material thing
Do not care much for it
For as we came with nothing into the world
We shall leave with nothing also

As we bask in our blessings and goodness of life
Let us never forget to acknowledge He who gave it all
Amen. =)

Contentment

2006-09-07T11:21:00.000+08:00

I don't think I will ever over emphasise the need to be content with all that you have now and to treasure to the maximum each and every moment. For you never know when it might be taken from your very bosom and gone, leaving you completely and devastatingly empty. For that which once you possessed was of value and you basked in its joy, taking it all for granted. You sought for something more, being the greedy fool and at the end of the rainbow, where is the gold that you sought? Its just cornflakes.

That was something I learnt from a movie I recently watched, one that is called CLICK and I think it has held abundant meaning for me and a message that struck me hard and struck me clear.

Happiness is not about material possessions, its all about love. When you have laid hands upon true love, be it family, friends or spouses, never let it go, never try to get something more, treasure every moment of it, for in this love, you already have everything you ever wanted. There is no greater thing you can ask of from this world. Perfect love is all that matters. It covers sin, it takes care of fear and it brings abundant joy to all and great blessings upon the world.

You know friends, I have never been a content person. Even when I have been surrounded by good things, a fully happy and contented life, I sought to move on to the next level, to acquire something that was never meant to be mine. Yet, the harder I worked towards getting it, the more I neglected those about me and I neglected myself and my calling and true purpose in life.

It was a fool's hope, dreaming and dwelling upon silly things that I should never have. I failed to seek contentment, desiring always something better in life, from the world. Why are rich men not the happiest men in the world? Rich men seek to become richer. People who are surrounded by love want something extra.

In the pursuit of foolish goals, one may find that he has lost the very thing he sought to get. A father seeks to work harder for the sake of his family, but he ends up neglecting them all and as a result, he lost his family. One who has many close friends, basking already in their love for one another may seek something more. He says, "My friends are not enough! I want popularity! Fame! More friends!" He will lose those who are closest to him.

When we have something that is good, we always want more of it. But this is the law of the universe: You can never have too much of a good thing. Your life capacity is only this limited, when you have more of one thing, you lose the other.

Do not fall into uncontentment my friends, rejoice in all that you have, lest you be deprived of love and your heart made like a shell, empty and hollow.

I have lost already my old happiness and my old cheer, the happiest I have ever been for sixteen years, I flushed down the drain. Be not mistaken my friends, I am not depressed nor am I unhappy, but my current happiness can never replace the one I had before.

I prize the love of friendship and family the most important thing in the world. If this is not worth getting depressed over, I would say nothing is.

Everything in good time. Do not be like he who pursues the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, for it will amount to nothing. Be not greedy and care little for wealth and riches, working ever steadily with an uncovetous heart. No matter how busy you are, take some time out to spend time with your loved ones, friends and family alike. Neglect no one and be of good cheer always.

Unlock the gifts you have in your life for no one is untalented. Find your calling and your purpose for good of the world, move towards it, with love at your right hand. You will not have to chase after money, but money will run after you!!

So take heart and treasure what love you have and cling to it! Material possessions will pass away, riches will pass away, your successes will pass away, but true love will by no means pass away.

Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!

Ahhh!!!

2006-09-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

Ello ello!! =) Smile and let each and every gleaming tooth sparkle and gleam by the light of the sun that all who look upon you may be dazzled and ultimately blinded!! =) Of course to save the race of mankind I will have to knock out your gleaming teeth =) So SMILE!! but dun smile too much...later no more teeth den smile until very ugly haha.

Hello hello once more. LOL. You know why I crapping? Hehe. Coz nothing to say. So irritating. Hmm ok la, I think that you know, past few services has been great and I have been feeling rather blessed ya. =)

I am sooo happy, elated, joyful, delighted, exuberated and euphoric and dun forget smile-atious that the exams are at last truly and officially declared OVER!! YEA!! Come ye the oceans and roar in my victory!! Haha. For I dun tink I will fail any subjects...how can fail right? With seed sowed, bountiful fruit is reaped! SMILE!! haha.

So now busying myself in mental preparation for IMF. Woah hard work seh =P den I also got to read one big stack of comics, finish playing 3 games, relearn how to play some games, find people to go out and keep me entertained and also must sleep soo much more than I have ever slept before. Oh dearz...so irritating...suddenly my life is so busy I think hor I would rather go back to exam period where life was so much more relaxing. You know...where you need only focus on one thing: EXAMS GALORE!!

Heeheehee. I think I being very evil. So dowan say liao LOL. But actually I wun be that free also...coz trying to find work ya...and then I have to deal with multplication and the changing of class....ahhh!! And so after september ends I will have departed from a multitude of loved ones. I really think I will cry lol. My world is changing all at once.

There will be alot of adaptation to change and I still haven't developed love for change lol. I better learn it.

Still...I have four days freedom...roughly...on which some days hor I feel deprived becoz I need to go down to the network marketing cafe.

I am actually quite sianed...becoz my passion is not there...I feel like I am dragging myself to work. I dun like to work in such a manner. But hor, I duno if I am lazy or that God is telling me not to work there. Sometimes it feels like He is telling me to find another job....then another part of me scared that I give up becoz unwilling to work then He will be displeased lol.

Which is my own counsel and which is His? Surely mine is the foolish counsel...but becoz I cannot see into my future I duno leh. lol.

Tonight will pray and see if He wants me to leave the company...lol.

God Help me, Point me, Guide me and Direct me.

The Grace, the Hand, the Power and the Glory of the Lord, O most Highly Exalted, most faithful and honourable, One true Good and Living God Almightly, King of Kings, God of gods, Lord of Lords, the Heavenly Father, be with us all this day. Amen, Amen, Amen and amen and amen. Praise the Lord.

Exams

2006-08-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

Greetings all!! Wahaha I think ah, trying to change a style of blogging makes things very erm, how should I say, strange and quite unlike me. Shall I try to revert back to my comical self? I shall try.

I have some complains to make!! I would like to say...Die liao...shucks...I am actually super panicked now la and yet I have failed to make any move to quell the panic. Hmm. Because of making the greatest mistake in the world - joining study groups for 3 days, I lost all 3 days to slacking. Woot.

Now it has come to a saturday night. I by right have only one day left to cover 3 subjects. If I am not fried bacon then I am a fried chicken liao.

Ob paper still ok ba....but bad news...took me a whole day. So how to study finish three subjects? Cannot say impossible lol...becoz with God, all things are possible!! Amen.

I think I shall go and start soon...ahhhhh....lols...the hand of the Lord be with me.

Amen.

Darkness and Shadow

2006-08-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

From the east to the west
From the north to south
There the great winds blew
In every terrible direction
Such as there was chaos
And he arising of storms
And from each side marched
Forwards came they
The minions of darkness
In armies so huge
Splendid and Majestic
Bore they upon the core
Where the Lord Ardor lay
And he was weakened
The Power Eternal was dormant
Unactive and in sleep
He looked to the armies coming
But there was no fear
He prepared his heart for death
His sword was drawn
Its light was cold and pale
Then as he was ringed by foes
A flash of brilliance
A storm of nine colors
And they came to him
Red of the flames entered him
The other eight were about him
And they ook physical form
There stood the Nine
In steadfast friendship
And within him, his power restored
And the armies bore upon the Nine
Like a tsunami wave of great measure
Sweeping and unyielding
But the Nine held their ground
Standing fast together always
Their swords were aglow with power
Their eyes shone with glory
Their Hand was like the fire
Their feet was like the wind
Light was like white fire
Speeding to the ruin of the enemy
And the might of darkness broke
Its minions far scattered
Every last one was pursued and slain
And the Nine stand victorious
Upon a field of great light
The heavens were open
The dark clouds dissolved
Nine banners were highly raised
And they left with Nine smiles

The wind is changing

2006-08-17T14:19:00.000+08:00

Good day and salutations to all!! Haha. First I would like to extend my apologies to all dearest and faithful readers for indeed for the past few days and weeks I have made this blog out to be a blog of lamentations. If any have taken upon themselves even a slight weight of my burdens, I am sorry.

Though the world is not all bright and sunny, the clouds are moving, and the lo! Behold the glory of the uncovered sun as it shines once more in a world once percieved to be bleak and barren, dark and cold. Warmth shall be here and flowers and trees shall come forth in a million colours as opposed to winter where all is white and bleak. The sun is glorious and by it, all winters shall melt into a glorious spring! =)

The time has come my little friends to talk of other things! Ships and sails and ceiling wax! Cabbages and Kings! While the earth is boiling hot o let us dance and sing! In His glory and in His love, our one and only King!

Great is the Lord and Greatly to be praised. Amen.

Wolves are coming

2006-08-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

Yea, here come my wolves, all bearing an exam script in their teeth, marked with the redness that is my blood, for every wrong question done.

Ah, so at last it will come to pass, that the exams shall take me by storm and I will fight ever to stand against the gale that will come, threatening to sweep me off as do the waves of the great seas.

I have been stretched here and there in many places this week my friends, bombarded by problems of relationships, work, the church, things of the mind and indeed, the sin of slacking off when I should be doing something more productive. I am tempted by slacking and am not yet motivated to study.

This is becoming more and more serious. Each day I pledge to study and each day my pledge fails. All other problems begin to shrink in importance whilst the peril of exams draw near. I have my goals, all has been planned out, but where is the action? I am tired le, but happier than before I suppose.

Studies actually don't worry me that much, if I have exaggerated my plight I apologise. But the world is not all fun and laughter now, but neither is it plagued by a terrible disease of depression. Right now, Life for me is just tiring and full of thoughts.

But I fear no labour and I fear no hardship. I need only cheer and friendly suport to keep me going. Hee =)

If I want my As, I better start now haha...cya all soon!! I have a feeling that the As are within reach =)

May the peace and strength of the Lord be with us all this day. Amen.

What's next?

2006-08-11T22:38:00.000+08:00

Things have gone fairly well for me thus far for the hand of the Lord has been with me. His presence again I feel and His strength is upon me, through times of my troubles He has lifted me, maintained my strength, birthed miracles in my life and set in motion a series of great things and having blessed me with a throng of wondrous people in whom I find great joy in.

Psalm 48:1 GREAT is the Lord, and greatly to be praised

I thank the Lord for having opened my eyes, my heart and my ears, praising Him for having wisdom bestowed upon my heart and having blossomed in me, the tree of Faith which was first sowed as a seed.

I thank the Lord for having been with me through my troubled times and may He reign in me, in all His power and glory forever. Amen.

Truly I have been restored and felt refreshed in His presence, having guarded my mind from depressive thoughts, restoring to me some part of my cheer, allowing me to have great joy in Praising Him and Worshipping Him. There has been no other time when such a line rang truer in my life:

You gave it all, You paid the Price and now I want to give You my life! As a sacrifice of Praise!

And also, haha, I would take this chance to say that besides the great worship leader that dwells in each of us, I think that Don Moen is by far the best =)

I confess still that when left alone, inside I am muddled. I don't really know what to feel. Am I happy? Or am I still sad? Excited? Or sianned? I have no idea. Perhaps my cheer has not been great enough to overcome the after effects of depression? Hee. No larx juz crapping. But I really don't know what is happening.

Why instead of being happy always my cheer comes and goes with frequency? I am lost in this matter and cannot figure out what is bothering me (or if there is a problem in the first place)

You know the mind is a complex thing? I actually learnt that on a subconscious level, we may tend to miss being depressed and pathetic that happiness seems like such a weird thing to have. Only when we are depressed do we feel like ourselves again lols. This concept can apply to why people are always late or why their rooms are always messy (like mine) =P....

I wonder if I feel that way? I dunno haha. Hope not.

I will continue to seek my solution and restore to myself my cheer. Praise be to the Lord God and may his mercy and grace dwell in all of us until the ending of the world. Amen.

By the way!!! I realised that the blog is being closely watched haha. I can play games too you know?? Woohoohoo. Hahahaha.

I may not look it but I am far more cunning and sly than you know ah...whoever is out there...this is for you hahahahahahaha. Cheerios.

Looks can be deceiving. Cheerz! =) hehehe.

Boredom

2006-08-07T18:54:00.000+08:00

Hello all!! Here I am to blog because well, I have nothing better to do, or rather no mood to do the things that I am supposed to do. Expect this to be a long one :)

Again I have been swept and overwhelmed by the plague of boredom and this will ultimately lead to a mini depression. But even as I speaketh thus, I find joy in writing and pouring out my heart here is the closest substitute I have for a listening ear. Nay nay, I am not here to whine about the difficulties and troubles of my life so fear not and worry not! This may be more of a reflection exercise as I seek to understand myself better.

My friends, you have all been burdened, carrying upon your shoulders with a great load of work now that the week of examinations draw near. Indeed it would not be fitting for me to cast my cares upon you when you have cares already to contend with. The Lord shall be my listening ear this day and forever and ever more.

In the fog of boredom I remain lost, seeing my goal and yet having no motivation to approach it. The lost sees the world as a maze, ever intimidating and it is frustration and terrible to them. But I assure you I am ever earnestly seeking my way out and there will be a lamp to guide me in the darkness.

At this very moment, I desire nothing more than good heart and good cheer, which I have not, but I feel guilty thinking this way, for my life has been a blessed one and I truly have no reason to lament. Yet such politically correct answers do not help one's mood. There is a way out. The question is when will I find it?

My test is nigh, in less than 24 hrs time and I have done nothing in preparation. O would I that my classmates were with me in a study group, that let there be laughter, joy and company amongst friends, that having struggled the night, the heart finds the sun in the morning and is refreshed. How might I have such strong focus that I dwell on studies alone and not on friends when the time comes?

Sometimes I wonder if my bitterness would force me down a path where I would not take? A path of a nerd perhaps, seeking refuge in studies only and all the time, having only one goal in life and that is to be successful. But sad isn't it? My mind is playing foul tricks on me =) now that I recognise it, at least its not that bad haha.

Know thy enemy before thyself. LOL. Actually, the most simple truths are the most profound truths. I learnt that in Garfield. Hehe. WOW isn't it?

I think I need a book. It has been awhile since I last read and I have had no motivation to continue the book that I have written which was lost when my computer broke down.

Life is actually a very wonderful thing, but its beauty lies in the eyes of he who beholds. Right now? I am one who stands in a brightly lit field, but who has chosen to dwell in a cave set in the middle. Is it very surprising that I only see darkness and a terrible life?

There is ever a struggle in my mind, between the armies of Good and Evil as perceived by me and the battle rages ever on and on, both caught in a deadlock, struggling for ultimate dominance. The Lord is with the Good in my mind and the Devil with the other.

If the Lord is with me, who can be against me? There is comfort in such thoughts.

I must find a way out of these dark and treacherous paths and have my cheer restored fully to me once more. I know not when the time will come and I know not how difficult it is going to be. But I am not staying in the pit any longer. I am going to jump out and behold the glory and beauty of the sun.

Life is Good. I must open my eyes to see it.

As Yoda once said in Star Wars Episode III, "Train your mind to let go of everything you fear to lose."

The Lord Denethor said in the Return of the King, "Stir not the bitterness in the cup that I have mixed for myself."

Richard Rahl said in the Sword of Truth, "Dwell on the solutions not the problems."

Andrew Matthews taught, "Dwell on something and you begin to move towards it."

The Bible says My God is able, He is mighty, He is Faithful.

And Don Moen teaches that the Lord never sleeps, He never slumbers, He never tires of hearing our prayer. That when we are weak, He becomes stronger so rest in His love and cast all of our cares on Him.

May the peace and grace of the Lord my God be with us all this day. Amen.

I depart in peace and in the hope that I may listen to the counsels that I have taken upon myself. Farewell.

Let there be light in dark times, the break of the storm and the calming of raging seas. The rewards will come just as we choose to give up. Endurance breeds fruit. Surrender breeds death.

Truly? I have found such joy in writing that I don't ever wish to stop. But it is getting long and the hour grows late. I wonder if anyone will even read =P

Wildness of Imagination is the root of my depression

2006-08-06T18:16:00.000+08:00

Another eventful day of my life has come to a sorrowful end and I shall elaborate why. In fact the word 'sorrow' exaggerates somewhat. But the events have left me whittled down into a sheep lost in the mountains, with his Shepherd watching from a distance, simply waiting for the sheep to cry for help. The wolves are coming.

To start off, I think that today's service is a very good one, yes indeed to have seen how the church has grown from strength to strength, glory to glory by the annointing of the Lord on our dearest pastor Kong was a very moving scene and I cried alot today. It is wonderful to reflect back and see the miracles that the Lord has worked for the church.

I did enjoy myself during service, quite alot, though i was often distracted by my overly powerful imagination. But this day the Lord showed me a picture as I worshipped Him there and then, amidst my many thoughts.

I was given a scene where I was running down a long concrete tunnel of which the end could not be seen. It was well lit with electric lamps but the road that I ran was not a flat one. As I ran along a flat surface, I would suddenly have to jump down into a three-step tall shallow pit and the next moment I would jump up three steps again, back to the flat surface and as I ran, that was what I did, running and jumping, up and down and up and down. To reach the end of the tunnel, none of the pits may be avoided.

I think the meaning of the picture is most literal yes? This weekend I've been getting a very strong sense and feeling that the wolves are coming. Weeks ago Abel also said that as he prayed for me, he felt that I would have many rejections to deal with. The Lord has showed me the path of my life that I must undertake and it will not be an easy road.

I will fall and I will rise again and I will fall again and I will rise again. I have many many more trials to come and each will be a blow to me as I run down this path of life. I sense that I will stumble often in the many weeks, maybe months and years to come and I believe that I truly need all the support that may be offered me.

After service, I actually didn't know that we would be splitting into two groups, I thought that we would be going together for fellowship. I must admit that I was quite upset when I realised that we would be going different ways, but of course I cannot expect my mother to follow the youth group. I felt very left out actually because of well, the generation gap and I was slowly slipping into a state of unhappiness which would eventually lead to another depression. In fact at that moment i was so upset that i would have crushed the balloon in my hands with my fists but I was mindful of Sister Huijun.

While in the cab, I suddenly got angry with my depression and I began to rebuke it. The army of depression was invading my mind and as my mind was slowly consumed, the army of wisdom and cheer retaliated at last in a final stroke of defense. I counselled myself to think optimistically, not being too attached to things that I should not be too attached to, not to think a fool's thoughts, allowing my imagination to run rampant as bull that has a red cloth in its sight.

I was soothed by my own counsel, though not completely I think. Until now, I feel very lost and very upset with myself for not being able to control my own mind, allowing it to rule me and my moods. I may have been happy in the past week, but I have been foolishly happy, without a sense of direction, not knowing where I am going, like a sheep lost in the mountains. I was happy why? Because I avoided and I evaded, attempting to ignore the wolves that are prowling around, leading myself into self-delusion. I wish for a vision, that the Lord may tell me where I am headed, giving me a sense of purpose in this life. There is more to life than studies and irrational worries over friendship issues.

If I could, I would ask for a new mind, one that is focused in all that I do, dwelling only on good thoughts and not on the bad ones. I cannot get rid of my own foolish imaginations. How? By training myself I guess...

Because my dear friends, you see, this might sound abit sad, but for about fourteen years of my life, I had no true friends. All "friends" I had were mostly classmates, who served only to make my life in school a fun one. Once I went into another class, I forget about all in the old class and lost touch with them all. Having left GMPS, I forgot about everyone and "severed ties" with the school. I have been a loner, not having close friends to go out with and chat and share things, treating home as sanctuary, spending holidays alone with books and the computer.

When I have finally opened my eyes and received the joy of the trueness of friendship can it be understood that I cling on ever so tightly to it? That the fear of losing is so terribly great that I become paranoid when my mind works its accursed magic? I cannot bear the thought and everytime I perceived that I am slipping away from friendship I begin to cry. The thought of becoming a loner again is unbearable. I am aware that it is a very foolish notion and I perceive that friends are slipping away from me when they actually aren't. When i think that they slip away, I withdraw from them and become unfriendly and cold. As a result, I do lose them.

Haiz. Sometimes I really hate my mind and I wish that it be gone for it has caused me to sin time and again and even now I continue in sin because my mind sins and I have little power over it. I have tried time and again to refocus my thoughts but I cannot and simply telling me not to think too much is fat lot of help. I dont know how to overcome this problem le lor. I am very lost, very frightened and very upset.

The reason that I am communicating all this to you all over a blog is because well, I feel like I have been a fool and becoming burdensome and whiny. I am no longer a baby christian and I have known the Lord for some time already. What christian am I if I seek man to solve my troubles and not God? I come to pour out my troubles and what then? In the end I realise that I must seek Him for solutions. I feel very bad that everytime I come to you all, I tell you the same problems. Even if your mouth does not confess it, I'm sure in your heart you will begin to think this way.

Imagine if I came to you everyday and told you how terrible my life was? Haha, it truly is very tiring to listen to so whiny a person. I cannot rely too much on others but on myself that the Lord God will guide to my solutions. This truly is a bad time for problems to come because my exams are here...but oh wells.

There are times when I will have to rely on myself lor, for it is not possible that you are all always there for me. It is a very difficult lesson and it is a very great trial that I must face. Only God can help me now and He will. My faith must not slip, nor must I stumble but I fear for myself.

If solution takes a long time to come what then? My mind is not going to have mercy on me. My mind will tell me to withdraw from church because the Lord is not there for me. I pray for strength to combat all blasphemous thoughts and strength to be with me, that the Lord be strong with me lest I backslide.

I have been living in self denial for a long time. It is time to face what I have been trying to avoid.

Grace and power of the Lord God be with me this day and with all my dearest friends. Amen.

Time is short

2006-08-02T19:52:00.000+08:00

Much that once was is fading and what happens now, leads into things that have not yet come to pass. Thus here we stand, everyday at a crossroads of choices, not knowing which one to take. Shall we slack or shall we work? Shall we sing or shall we remain silent? Every choice is a path in life and wither now do we go? Fast and quick decisions we must make.

There will be times when heart is of stone and feet are of lead, when sweat gleam on skins and trickles from head and there we cease at the crossroads, pausing with rest. And indeed when we decide to take a break, we never go on again. Life offers little breaks and let us break wisely when we do.

Now I am basking in joy shall we say, a muddle headed fool of a cloudy brain, whose paths are fogged and unclear and my feet turn here and there according to the will of my mind but my mind sees not and my eyes are blind and they deceive me. I am full of food so consumed and I am weary, simply thinking of the tasks that await me.

A million choices have I from now until tomorrow, where new paths shall be opened but one will be choiceless. Indeed tomorrow I have a test and though it is not the only path I may take, it is the clearest path that I should take.

Ahh..look here now how I have babbled on and on like a twittering fool. I shall end thus for time is precious and sleep is much needed which I cannot get. Time is short and I must hasten. I shall no longer tarry on msn but keep to my tasks...before the end that is tomorrow all must be complete.

Yet even now as I strive to end this, another speaks to me, luring me into the darkness of msn, shutting out the light, drawing me away from my destined path. But it shall not be so this day! I am truly weary. Farewell my dear friends! I depart!

As Gandalf said in the Fellowship of the Rings, "Now you must decide what to do with the time that is given to you."

So be it.

Beauty and Glory

2006-07-31T15:51:00.000+08:00

The beauty of the world are many indeed
And one shall not see them if one gives no pause to observe
The many little things of Life.

A candle flame, serene and silent, occasionally wavering
A drop of dew upon the green, glistening gently
A river long and running, bubbling and laughing
A sea, calm and vast, sight of it ever soothing
A tree of pleasing sight, whispering and swaying
An ice cube before a light, stolidly sparkling
A beam of light in the darkness, a white fire burning
A tear drop falling gently, sorrow within its core
A star in the blanket of night, gleaming and shining
The moon, full and round, pale, cold and lovely
The night, dark and cold, a million jewels twinkling
The day, wondrous and bright, peacefully smiling
The Sun, glorious and majestic, glaring powerfully
The clouds of twisted shapes, adrift and floating
The stones and rocks, earthern bones meditating
The flower and grass, embellishment of fields, gently swaying
The lightning, wrath of the heavens, brilliantly flashing
The mountains, high, lofty and towering
The volcano, flame, smoke and ash a-spewing
The wind and breeze, unseen yet cool and delighting
The song, peacefully calming, melodiously singing
The smile, warm and cheerful, always heartening
The Man, tall, sturdy and powerful, of great bearing
The Woman, graceful, beautiful and fair, of great gentility

Now says who that gems and gold are the most beautiful of all things? Woe to the fool who says so for his or her life has been spent walking in darkness, blinded by a love for objects of riches and power. Blind is he or she who sees not the natural beauty of the Earth, that was created of long ago.

The beauty of the Earth, is more plentiful than the beauty of diamonds and gold for the wondrous sight of Water and Sun are a thousandfold more lovely than the sparkle of gem under light.

The World is lovely, eyes be opened, observe and see!!

2006-07-31T15:26:00.000+08:00

Eyes are our windows to the great wide world and there is little we do not perceive by our own judgements and thoughts. Once sight is sent out and cast upon its target, our mind shall receive and perception is then formed.

All is one and the same, the same world, the same age, the same passing of time. The very earth that we walk upon and the very air we breathe is the same in technicality. But to each unique one, it is different.

In various moods we perceive things to be of a different nature, not seeing the world as it is, being the bliss of some and the torment of others. Those who seek to see the world for what it truly is never succeeds for this is an Imperfect world, corrupted by the plague of sin.

To the happy, the world is the sun, ever bright and blazing, warm and homely.
To the sorrowful, the world is a great sea, salty and vast, bearing a million tears.
To the depressed, the world is formed of pits and every step is of peril.
To the mad, the world is distorted and their perception changes time and again.
To the burdened, the world is studded with boulders and of which are too huge to shove away.
To the fools, the world is their kingdom and they proclaim themselves wisest of the lot.
To the wise, the world bears an army of troubles but they have a sword for defense.
To the troubled, the world heaps stones onto their hearts.
To the carefree, they live by day as each comes after passing of the night.
To the muddled, the world is their maze, towering high and ever intimidating.
To the clear-minded, the world is the ladder which they climb to reach the top.
To the fearful, the world is a darkness, a dwelling place of shadow.
To the confident, the world is lit with a million flames and they fear no darkness.
To some, Life is a bed of roses, sweet smelling, serene and fragrant.
To others, Life is a raging sea, powerful, dark and threatening.

How do you perceive the world?

The Promise of the Lord God

2006-07-29T11:23:00.000+08:00

The wheels turn ever and ever

By the grace and wonder of water

By happiness of Sun and Moon

By the wonders of Life so granted

Then a great fool came forwards

A great spear gleamed in his arm

With a mighty throw, a great thrust

It was embedded within the spokes

There sounded great clangs and crankings

Whilst all became silent and still

Water was still flowing

Sun and moon still shone

Life was still wonderful

But the wheel had ceased its motion

Rust had crept, in dealings of great damage

Embedding deep within into its very heart

Upon rust did the wheel focus

And not upon wonders

In suffering it was bonded for a great age

To rust it spoke and bade it leave

But rust remained, though unwilling

No comfort did both find

Better would both have been detached

From the clingings of each other

Into unsightly embrace

Then came the Scalpter, with his tools agleaming

Stepping forth and beholding the wheel

Which found favour and pity in his sight

Groans and pressures, pains and fears

Such was that undergone whilst the Scalptor worked

Alas was freed the rust that clung

Alas the spear was removed and thrown

Shine and gleam had been restored

To the wheel that turns ever

And the Scalptor smiled at His work

Giving great polish to the wheel

"Ever," said He who scraped the rust

If spike or sharp object comes to taunt you,

Reveal your shine under light of sun that is beautiful

That eyes of evil men be blinded

That hard will be your armour

That no thorn may pass your flesh

Remember now the wonders of the world

Bask in happiness for you were made for a purpose

I shall fit you with a great wagen

And you shall work as I bid you

And you will not tire

Never ceasing to praise Me who saved you

Find happiness in your burdens

Do not stay and weep

Grow stronger with each load you bear

Be My wheel always

Set things in motion according to My will

Tire not and if you have a puncture, come to Me and I shall restore you

And at the end of it all, when you are old and spent
You shall not be cast away into pits and burned
But recycled and brought up
Coming with Me in the form of new objects which I shall make you

Staying by My side, in a wondrous haven

For you have become an object of greatness

No longer a wheel that toils

But one who receives rewards as I shall deal them

Take heart and struggle through!

Your paths of million thorns await!

Remember well My Words!!

My Promise I shall keep!!"

Thus the wheel heard and began to churn once more

By light of Sun and Moon

Of cloud and brightened sky

By flame and water

By darkness and thunder

By wind and rain

By peace or anger

By the beauty of life so granted

In all its magnificent glory

Has the wheel creaked and cranked

And began to churn once more

And the Scalptor smiled for all was well pleasing in his sight =)

Earth and Sky, Fire and Water

2006-07-26T09:37:00.000+08:00

Oho! Greetings all! Haha. I realise that this blog entry is long overdue, thus pardon me, dear friends for my projects have been spearing me mercilessly...but lets speak of this in another blog. Here, we shall speak of the Sentosa escapade haha.

We had all agreed to meet at 10, by habourfront and SOMEONE said "If you dun reach by 10 you go yourself" lols..in the end SOMEONE did not reach by 10...then again who did? lols. The moment we stepped into sentosa, a few voiced out their desire to go to the erm...Palawan beach I think, for even though we had a project to do, our main aim was to play and well, the aim of many others (not mine) was to go sun-tanning.

I was actually not so thrilled about that part because I thought haha...later paiseh. (Which reminds me of Noel hahahahaha).

Anyway, in the end go liao, we didn't immediately go sun tanning lor, me and a group of the guys when to play soccer until a great tent, with a volleyball whilst the rest when on to Siloso beach, leaving our belongings behind I was actually not so keen on that also because I never liked soccer and haven't been playing it for some time. But I ended up having quite a bit of fun haha...its amazing what the class can do to me =)

During a break, JS went down into the sea water with his pants on and I desired to go down to the water also because I have always loved water and its coolness and the thrashing of the waves at your feet. So I went down but I remained at a shallow area where my shirt would not get wet. The Sun was evil that day, for a good purpose for once I stepped into the water, haha, I truly wished that I could be fully submerged in it. The temptation became too great to overcome and so I made up my mind to do so.

Ah indeed that day, as JS, a fellow brother in Christ and of CHC, he looked out past the waters and out, skywards and island-wards and told me to behold God's creation and truly I beheld water, sky and land and indeed, God has made the world a wonderful place for us to live in.

The sky was truly beautiful, painted over with a wonderful tinge of light blue, scattered about with few clouds for it was a clear day. The winds rose and calmed for the waves came with different strengths and speeds. The waters were calm and extended out towards the open sea, vast and great. Though the waters lapping upon Singapore's shores are of a murkish green, its coolness and overall beauty and splendor cannot be denied.

There it lay, a large body of water, under a sky as vast as itself, mirrored in each other's faces and both smiled at one another in a day of peace. The Sun was made manifest in all its power and glory, the Light of the World that was granted us by the Lord God. Up there it hung, blazing with great flame and from it, countless rays of light skimmed water's surface and sought to set fire to our skins. Thus the water shimmered brilliantly like a mirror of clear silver and it was very bright, such that eyes may not glance directly at the shine of water's silver.

There was Fire and Water, beauty and peace that day upon the beach and blessed was I to have beheld it, entering for the second time, into the salty waters of the seas.

Then JS, thinking that I trying to be a wet blanket, shoved me in fully clothed LOL. Not that I really minded but still...I think my shirt could have been salvaged.

The girls returned long after we had begun and so one by one, also entered the coolness of sea's water. Our class was such, that if no one went in, kena dragged inside lols. They wished to ensure that everyone got wet haha. So it was a fortunate thing that I thought to bring an extra set of clothing. In any case, all we did was play alot, sun tan, throw sand =P...and bullying people who were sun tanning by heaping sand on top (woah not fun lor...u kno how heavy weighs the sand from the seabed?), play ball games from land to water, swim and do alot of crazy clowish things, scream and sh0ut haha.

I could say that we are very much unlike a class for there was little class-feeling. It was more like, everyone was good friends of everyone and that was all. Haha. I think I have truly been blessed by this wonderful group of friends of 1J02 and I have been as happy with them as I have been with S23.

Hmm alright, I think its getting too long so why don't I skip to Sentosa's musical fountain. There I was truly amazed and stunned I say, for as a Singaporean, I thought that I know all Singapore's tricks and attractions in Sentosa but I am amazed by this.

I came, expectant of a boring show, but it was truly fantastic. A fountain of great length was set in the middle like a long rectangular trough and at the sides were set two smaller round fountains. As the conducter began to come out and dance, the waters danced with him and it was good.

But the amazing thing was the laser show. Using a sprayed water curtain as a screen, they begane to perform laser shows, of which the main character was a mischievious green monkey. Some very silly songs were sung and it became boring until Stanley started to sing in a quite retarded way so one by one we all followed. haha. Very funny.

Then just as we were about to fall asleep, up came the flames! haha. This is the part I liked most for the beauty and glory of flame was made manifest this day. From spouts beneath water's surface, many jets of flame, in their orange and golden flares sprang upwards, illuminating the entire scene which had previously been enveloped by the blanket of night that we should see their display of lights.

So powerful were the jets of flame that I felt the heat of it sear my face and so brilliant was its glare that I could not gaze directly at it. But as the conductor danced to the finale of the show, water and fire danced as one. The waters whirled, twirled, twisted and flew, high and low, up and down, left and right whilst the fires roared skywards, declaring to all its majesty and power. They worked as one, coming together in a swift and silent rhythm, powerful and alluring. It was the dance of power, beauty and grace, come together with magic to form a clear and beautiful picture and a most splendid show.

Here I give Thanks to the Lord God for the wonder of Fire and Water and even as I departed from the place, it struck me that the Lord God made everything beautiful and even terrible things may be beautiful if they are viewed in the right way.

So I end now, for the entry has grown far too long. I thank the Lord for his blessings to me and my class of 1J02, making special mention of few whom I have loved more dearly who have loved me in return. Names I shall not mention for they who read will identify themselves here and there are few who do.

Farewell!! The Grace and Peace of the Lord God be with me and us all. Amen

Slack? Poly Life? What a Joke...

2006-07-24T21:13:00.000+08:00

Hello all! Today's entry shall be of a less serious tone, since well, a crappy person's blog can never be too serious haha.

Well, today erm..wow. It wasn't very good shall I say. I think the weight load of the projects are getting to me. For projects that have been left hanging in the air for some time, waiting there, unfinished, for deadlines to come snap them up as a bird eats insects from the air, I have developed a don't-care attitude, which is, completion takes priority over excellence.

Hmm, because for the current two projects that are on hand, I truly do not know how to settle or handle...one more project is coming up soon of course and that is the evil EXCEL project. My goodness, having such limited knowledge of my projects and having gained seemingly insignificant benefits from them, I seem to be walking down a pathway into the fog. When shall the fog clear? Or shall the fog thicken into a cloud of failure?

Of course not!! But failure is one rung up the learning ladder. But should I use this as an excuse to provide myself with failures? Certainly not! Haha, I will simply have to try my best for who enjoys failures and revels in them? Those who enjoy failures are those on the path to successs, viewing failure in a positive light. But ultimately, we yearn for sooner successes.

Ahh, now what? I shall strive on and perservere for the Lord, for He has given me strength that I should not stumble where my studies are concerned, though getting retained will not be taken lightly, even by one such as I. How? Keep going lor.

My dear friends haha, help me!! I require only your moral support as I work as I shall give you moral aid as you work haha. Let us strive on together ba!!

Fear not for me however, I am rarely undaunted by load of work. If I am burdened, it is because I watch ny fellow team members drown in stress that I feel sorrowful for them.

Help me by relieving me of my other burdens, friends who are dear to me! Friendly interaction is the Red Bull that gives me wings. Cheerio!! And not forgetting the Lord who has been graceful to me.

Cheerz my dearest shark, crab, merman, ghost, lobster, sting ray and er...who else? All of S23 lo. Haha.

Peace of the Lord be with us all. Amen.

Revelation from the Lord God

2006-07-24T01:03:00.000+08:00

Hello! Greetings to the World and especially to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ! I have come today feeling blessed and indeed touched, by the Grace and Mercy and the Love of our Heavenly Father, that He has given me reassurance, time and time again, that He is with me and will bear me as a ship bears one across the vast and everlasting Oceans.

For the past few weeks, I have been tested and the Lord has stretched me to a place, a new level I have never reached. Feeling uncomfortable and unadapted to a strange place, I cried to the Lord, telling Him to bring me back down. The pressure was far too great for He brought me up and left me there, lost and muddled, that I may help myself, grow stronger as I walk my path of million thorns.

But He had never truly left me, my dear Heavenly Father and he had been with me, hiding and watching, simply waiting for me to cry out to Him for help, to rely on His strength that my feet may crush even the sharp points of thorns and come out unharmed. But I did not seek Him and I fell into deep depression, into disappointment, into denial even, that I was facing trouble at all.

It was folly for my Lord watched me as I began to stumble and forget Him. I prayed indeed, but still I continued to feel dry and lost. Distant from His touch, from His promptings and His word. I felt utterly detached from Him and bereft of His Greatness that I despaired.

I came to many, to my brothers and sisters in Christ and few offered comfort that could extend beyond a day. My depression returned and I denied its source. I knew always that the Lord God would send trials to test us, to help us grow. But I was never comforted by the thought. I was frustrated often then and tired, growing angrier. I comtemplated giving up and backsliding away, for the pressure was too great and yet if I backslid, I knew that I would regret for eternity for I would have thrown aside what the Lord God has given me and S23 and the Aq 4, my family in Christ.

Then came one day, after a prayer conference call, I returned to my mood in a fey mood and I snapped there and then. Madness of rage overcame me and I keyed an entry into my blig there and then and it was bitter, meant to portray my sad state. There was none to comfort me in my time of need and I sought the Lord God for several seconds, praying for companionship and peace to take me swiftly before I gave myself to the edge of the cliff and there would have fallen.

And the Lord God was gracious to me. And indeed it is right when it is said "It is on the very verge of us giving up that the Breakthrough arrives and Blessed are those who endured to the very end." The Lord God stands with a smile at the end of our treacherous road and He rewards those who endures in His name, not having given up halfway.

Thus I Praise the Lord for my brother Jeremy in Christ whom I sought that very night and He edified me with the Word and Wisdom of things concerning disappointment and of the Lord God. There he shared personal experiences, terrible experiences of how he had faced disappointment and backslided and how he had regretted since. He spoke of perseverance, that we should be glad for our trials and smile in times of troubles for the Lord blesses us. It is through breaking through that we are able to grow in power and come forth in His might. I received his counsel with many many tears.

Also there came concern from Michelle, my sister in Christ whom I am truly grateful towards and blessed was I to have received such an unexpected message. It was the Lord's answer to my pleadings.

Knowing me, I felt peace that night but it endured not for long and it would have broken out on friday also but the Lord was good to me. Sister Huijun began to share the Word of God, pertaining towards the handling of disappointments and also how we must never give up, no matter how difficult. Many of the core members of S23 shared then that day and through their tears, mine flowed and I felt blessed once more for here are they who have endured more than me and Rena's words struck me the most for she said, "We have already come so far, it is foolish to give up."

Through CG I was blessed and my Faith was made stronger.

Yet it was not strong enough and the Word had not yet been fully embedded into my heart. On saturday, I felt an immense Fire for the Lord through Praise and Worship until I was left tired and physically drained. Truly I was blessed by Pastor Kong's message on marriage and there were many tears for I have been touched and truly blessed. There in CHC, he spoke of things that have always lingered in my heart but never expressed and he did it all, expressed so wonderfully in words that there was a pang in my heart.

Still, during fellowship, I felt another wave of depression hit me and I remained sullen and dull. When I could no longer take it, I departed from S23 and left for home, feeling terribly sad and lonely for there were none to accompany me in this difficult time. Ah but no!! I was ever wrong!!

For HE WAS THERE WITH ME, ALWAYS AND ALWAYS, FOREVER AND EVER ESPECIALLY IN THE DARK TIMES OF MY LIFE, MY JOY AND MY LIGHT, MY LORD AND MY SAVIOUR....He was there for me. Praise the Lord God.

At Bugis train station, I was down. So terrible down that I paced, not knowing what to do, feeling that depression come again, that wave of disappointment. How may I cry out to Him in a public space? I sought for my Mp3, in the hope that His Songs may drive my darkness away. But there was another prompting...to Seek Him through His Word that is the Holy Bible.

This is strange for usually when I am so down, I would not think of reading, but right there and then, the Lord had something for me. I reached for my Bible, somehow cherishing a Hope that through that I may be blessed. I confess that the Lord had never shown me verses from the Bible that I may be blessed. It was always through others that this was done.

But this day, as I flipped open to the page where I last stopped and continued on, I began to read and felt tears come again for I have been blessed right there and then. I was stunned myself, to see how the Lord works, in such an amazing manner!

For where I started was The Epistle of James and James 1:2-5 truly touched me then.

2 My Brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
3 Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

(James 1:2-5)

Thus, feeling blessed, I entered the train and endured my way home. Upon reaching home, I felt that I needed company and I needed to share all that has transpired over the past few days. Thank the Lord for my sister Khar Loo in Christ who has been there for me when I needed her.

Here I Praise the Lord for having been with me always, watching over me, guiding me and prompting me, soaring me to new heights and a greater Level of Faith. Praise Him for His blessings to me, for they are not small but abundant and overflowing especially in the area of friendship. Praise the Lord for his Love and his Goodness and indeed, the Lord shall Reign over all my dreams, thoughts and fears in the darkest of my times. Indeed the Lord shall Reign in me always, that I may serve Him faithfully in times to come, when He will sent greater trials to test me.

I Praise the Lord for my brothers and sisters in Christ who, having been sent by the Lord to touch my Life, has not failed in that aspect. I thank the Lord for City Harvest Church and for the joy and blessings it has granted me.

My Lord!! Never have you abandoned me and never will you depart from me, for even when I am Faithless, You were Faithful and having such a great Love for me, spared no effort into guiding me back into your Light and Glory. Let me walk forvever in your Power O Lord, basking in your love and presence, drawing me closer to you each and every day that no force in this world may split us.

My Heavenly Father, Strength of Heart and Mind, Lord of Blessings, I glorify You always.

Know that He stands always at the end of a long and terrible road, rewards spilling from his lovely hands. He smiles always that you have endured for His sake and has marked you down for Good in the Kingdom of Heaven!

Praise the Lord for his grace to me! Forever and ever, let me be your Sheep, Inflamed with the might, the power, the strength and the Glory of the Heavenly Father and My Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be my brothers and sisters in Christ and peace be with us all. Amen.

The Trueness of Friendship

2006-07-21T01:20:00.000+08:00

Ah, the sadness of Life lies partly in friendship that which is false and untrue.

Friendship ever wears a cunning veil and goes about hooded and cloaked. Even for those who think you know your friends well, do you truly? For I dare say that not one person in this world knows me inside out.

Friendship may be treacherous and false indeed yes. Countless people in the world today would claim that in the deepest recesses of their hearts, they remain ever loyal and true to their friends at present. Yet such a deep and powerful friendship may not withstand the test of time or the test of external threat.

Through the passage of my life, many friends I have met and lost, far too many already for counting, they whom I have been on excellent terms with and lost touch all too soon. In my early teens already I have had my fair share of such an experience! For I approached old friends in my school and I am shunned!

But in my life, my social needs have been met, by the grace and love of the Lord God who has time and again blessed me with wonderful people in my life, whom I may lean on for support and encouragement. For though the Lord God wills it that we should lean upon Him for support but I say! Are dear friends not of the Lord's creation, sent by Him to serve as blessing to His children on Earth? Through dear friends we may find our support.

Thus I say I have been blessed. But by what? By the Church, by the Cell Group, by my family, by my class and my friends!

True friendship is that which is eternal and everlasting. It is understanding and loving, being as steady as a rock in the Ocean to which one may cling upon for dear life whilst the storm of tribulations and depressions sweep about it in great waves. And the rock is unmoved!

When the wind grows and the storm brews, lightning flashes and thunder bellows, then here now lifts the veil that tricks your sight. That which hides truth from lie. For the untrue rock will be washed away by the storm, leaving you stranded in vast oceans whilst the true rock stands firm until the storm passes away!

When horns of tribulation blow and the armies of troubles come sweeping down, how might you be defended? Will your walls hold or will they not?

Here thus I thank and glorify the Lord once more for His blessings to me, for they who held my hand when I walked the narrow path, for they who gave me wings to soar over mountains high and they who were the rafts that bore me across endless seas.

These are they who would bear me through to the very ends. These are they who will follow me into darkness. These are they whose love for me holds fast and true. These are they, friends to the end, on whom I may cling on for my very life and they who would sacrifice their lives to preserve me, just as I would them.

As I write of this, let all that I have written not be discounted and be washed away into nothingness - a blank script of a foriegn text bearing neither meaning nor sense. Let this hold true, as true as our friendship may run and I pray that by the Glory and Power of the Lord never will we be broken from each other as the Earth was split in the early days.

Let us be bonded strong and forever up unto Eternal Life of that which awaits us in the Kingdom of God.

Thus I thank once more the Lord for S23 and the Aq 4. I thank too, my brother Jeremy and sister Shark in Christ for keeping me always in thought. I thank my sister CKL for having been a great consoler in terrible times and to my brother Jonathan for having often lifted my spirits to soar above dark clouds.

Do not fear for me for my depression is at an end for friendship is like the Sun that drives away the darkness of sorrow and loneliness. Praise the Lord. Amen.

Friends are your umbrellas in the storm. They are your rock in the Ocean. They are the wall against your enemies. They are the trees of comfort and shade. They are blessings sent forth by the Lord according to His will and purpose.

Hold fast to your friends, I counsel all. Let no more depart from you for any reason whatsoever and keep always in touch.

In the trueness of Friendship, the distance matters not and mountains that stand in the way are but anthills to the perception of the heart.

Once more I implore the lot, Treasure and hold fast to your friends forever. Let them be warmth to you and serve as a flame when all is cold and dark about.

Do not sorrow if you have your friends with you! True happiness lies in companionship for he who is rich and successful and yet lonely, has succeeded for naught.

Smile in the Love and Blessing of the Lord God. =)

A change in my blogging style? Perhaps.

2006-07-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

Hmm. Wow. I suppose that it has been a terrible mistake not having read the entries of the best bloggers around the world for indeed, their entries and absolutely fantastic and are sheer mouth-openers. Simply stunning.

I have recently come across a blog of my dear friend Stanley who came to introduce me a blog of one of his current classmates and I was thinking, oh my goodness!! How can anyone blog like this? Wow it really made me feel like a loser no joke. But to each his own I would say and all people have their own different styles of blogging. Perhaps I should adopt a new approach? I am considering this indeed.

What have I been trying to accomplish through my blogging? To establish a solid online diary of course. But will this hold any meaning for me in the future? Perhaps not?

Thus far, most of my blog entries have been written to narrate in a humourous fashion, the day's events and more besides. Perhaps something that I have learnt? Indeed this day I have learnt the true meaning of BLOGGING. Sighs. Have I wasted my time? Maybe, maybe not.

There must come a time when all foolish things must end and this I say on a more serious note because I am in no mood to joke right now. Things have come to my attention that require me to devote all the mental power that I have to fight this depression that is at hand. Why it is here? It is something I will tell no one, and truly when I mean no one I say no one. This is something that I have to battle out myself.

After the prayer conference, I actually felt good and now I feel utterly miserable. I call out to the Lord in many tears and in desperation. My heart yearns for his touch, so very very much right now. I desire to bask in his loving comfort, his wonderful peace and presence.

A rage is boiling within me, born of frustration and deep anger. My mind wonders why? This is a battle of wills, of the peace in my heart and the frustration and depression that seeks to overcome it. Were I any weaker I would break down and weep, truly I weep I say and may my tears fill the four Oceans and the thousand seas.

Help me my Heavenly Father!! Speak to me and tell me of what I must do now that none are here for me save you. I shall trust wholly in your mightiness, My Lord God of the World, Strength of Mind and Heart.

May your Peace be with me this day, O Heavenly Father!! I shall come and seek your love and your presence. Receive my tears O Lord as I weep in prayer.

Farewell all. I depart to seek the Lord. May I walk in his Power and Glory forever. Amen.

19th July 2006

2006-07-19T20:04:00.000+08:00

Hello! Haha. I am here to make an addition to my collection of blog entires :)

Oh wells, today erm, hmm. Quite silly actually, because I got Jonathan and Stanley to give me morning calls. Jon ah obviously call at 6++...so I just pick up the phone...Hi, Bye den slp again LOL. What morning call is dis right? Then when Stanley called me at 7.30 I did the same thing lols. Heng ah, managed to wake at about 7.45...coz need to dress up ma, then my lenses may gimme some problem also....lol..zzz.

So go school liao, sleep thru IHT, sleep thru comm skills. Den after that is the major presentation liao. Woah at canteen somemore can boast say what...so relaxed...feel nothing at all. Go up and broke down in nervousness lol. I am so pek cek with myself la...haha...comm skills presentation like still can maintain calm...dis one...mind blank, words jumbled and me spouting rubbish. Lols. Very dissatisfied lor. But luckily our group on the whole did well enough, though I think abit stumbled by the Q and A...haha.

Aha!! Then v scary haha. My sms I think die le LOL. From last time sms below 200 now escalated to erm...more than 500? LOL. I dare not think by how much more :P.

Lol eh shark help LOL. Coz I dowan to stop and I wun stop. Coz now like one day never sms feels like something is missing =) lols. Either I force myself not to sms you on weekdays (aiyo heartpain haha) or i continue to foot the excess bill :P. Who ask you never come online! Hehe. Muz learn from merman haha...he who is always online...except now he gt OBS lol. *Suanning*

Haha I end here le lor. Thx Sharky for pei-ing me when I have been bored haha, though the price is terrible it is all worth it la hor? Haha...u dare say no I dun fren u le LOL.

Hmm ya and thx merman and CKL for having come online more often than shark to pei me...though CKL should learn from merman to msn more and learn from shark to sms more haha.

Haha thus the Lord has blessed me with the company of great people! Cyaz. =)

15th July 2006

2006-07-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

Hello! Haha. I feel so blessed to be able to blog hehex!

Today's service was very unexpected...actually today cheered me up quite abit. LOL. Even though my bus could not stop at the EXPO becoz of some car accident and made me walk like woah...so far...to reach, I was not pek cek la...still happy in fact and quite expectant.

In the end, service was quite interesting and the pastor...when he prayed...I could feel that he is truly a very powerful man of God.

Hahaz...later service end le we go erm...don't even know where the place is la...juz somewhere near bedok hehex den eat lor. Bus ride there was not very fun but I am happy today lolx. Normally I don't talk to alot of people wann ma, though talkative I usually do not engage with that many lor.

Then today was like woah! So many people! First met Joel, Shu xie and Guin soo at the train station. Then after that met Jin Sheng at service. Today talk to Kang Ning, Qiao fen, Abel, Vivien and Su zhen quite alot besides my regulars like Noel, CKL, Sharky, Eric and Arieffin haha. So today was like quite fun for me lor hehe. Its good bonding mar. haha.

Hmm...at the bedok place go eat dinner lor, den like not very nice hor? Haha...drink the bubble tea...dunno buy from where 1...the bubbles like trying to challenge my teeth in a game of
can-you-bite-through-me. Lols. Then buy food and share lor, eat together with er Noel's crapping haha.

Finish liao Sharky suddenly bored muz be...take satay sauce and add all the farny ingredients (mostly bits of fried carrot cake), with eric lim (aiyo so kiddish rite?) using chopsticks to help her transfer food from plate to sauce. Lols. Then they ended it by mashing and topping up with more sauce.

Then at first i down dere diao-ing lols but since they in mischievious mood muz also be in mischievious mood so as to relate to them ma hor? Haha. Dunno larx...i took up all the satay sticks then stab into the styrofoam plate. In the end they 2 also help me lolx...Den sharky tried to stab the squeezed lime on top...but cannot ma...so the ingenious me (hehe) ran the whole lime through with the satay stick den stab it in lor...so now the satay "joss" sticks have monument haha. Then sharky added chilly on top. zzz. LOL.

In the end we decorated the whole plate...haha. The bubble tea straw v big ma...so we juz like clothed the satay sticks with green straws lols. Then v beautiful lor...got so many lime monuments and straw clothed sticks, it was like a work of art.

It was set upon a plate of white, with an oily blanket of brown, bending here and there in many angles like a tub of colourful joss sticks or a graveyard of swords. Each came in its own uniqueness, being different in colour or size and decoration. It is thus named by me "The Result of a Shark's mischief" haha.

Lol...den Su zhen came and saw...haha...den she was like wow...my grp members can do dis. LOL. Actually quite childish haha...but we young at heart ma hor? LOL.

Its late le lor...and I am blessed this day and kept glad for my life has not rocks too great that I may not jump over. Nite nitez!

I Praise the Lord and Glorify Him for my material possessions and all who are dear to me. I thank Him for 1J02 and S23...and the Aquarium 4 of course...haha. May we be a blessing to each other, until the ending of Time. Heex.

11th July 2006

2006-07-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

Hello!! Haha here have I come with great cheer and thanksgiving for many things! Ah but happy things are of abundance and thus I shall speaketh of two only.

Ehehe. Today speech marx. Counted one lor...I think got 30%?? Scary right...yups. So i like chiong until 5 am just to do speech and powerpoint on crystals. Eh then I like scared scared...coz this one muz do well mahs. If dun do well den how?? My essay got a C lor...like class bottom liao. In short, heng heng I think I did well enough to put back what the essay lost.

Okie! Then the class went down to Suntec...zzz...of which I should not have gone coz my heart was elsewhere...haha where arx? Bugis lor. haha. CKL anyhow say things...make me think and think...den in the end diao....

Fun lor...walk all da way to suntec den back to train station...YOU KNOW HOW FAR?? lolx. Anyway first outing with the Aq 4 people...haha. For some, this may be a foolish thing to be elated about...for me, it was like a dream come true....aahhhh....hahaha...k larx...not so exaggerated.

Hmm..den having dinner at er..Yoshinoya? Pardon me if name is misspelt. Anyways eat le den kena dragged to take neoprints...UMM...got confession to make lorx. First time taking neoprints...that I can remember of. Hahas. Hmm...v luan...crab and shark never give briefing first hor...so arx...go inside abit lost. In any case that place is their "tian tang" and not mine haha..

So hor...they go in and press all the buttons on the screen like free lor...dunno train how many years liao...but press until i gong so i just sit behind n watch. Then actually the screen got show the 4 of us de haha...so I thought ok lor...pose. Den...in front of me and merman, dis purple screen drop down...den I was like hey? Wads dis?

Then in front crab and sharky shouting away haha...asking us to quick come out. Merman reaction faster than mine...but not fast enuf lols. Picture was taken of crab and shark lifting the curtain and merman peering out LOL. Woah luff until I drop from seat to floor. So wasted but so farny la haha.

Then later learnt lessons liao lor...muz hiong and muz chiong...aiyo...haha...take neoprints also stressed lolx. Finish le me and merman stand outside, stone and watch they two go and decorate haha. HMMM...21 dollars well spent...lolx.

Den later go starbucks talk alot of rubbish, stone alot, tried to contact ppl for friday haha. Actually the thing I can recall most clearly is sharky staring at the man making the coffee lolx. About 9 we zao I think...go home le lorx...and that was the end? Haha yups. End.

All in all, it was a very interesting and unique experience haha...Aq 4 should hang out more often...ahh but gt clashing of school timing :P....

Love the Aq 4...ahh...and S23....Ahhh...and the Lord God for all have always been there for me :) Cheerz!!!

9th July 2006

2006-07-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

Hello!! Haha. Woah so long never blog le. I think my blog has become somewhat stale and the tagboard has frozen!! NOOOOO!!

Wahaha now I find greater joy in writing testimonials so leave me a msg on my TB and I shall write for you! Wahaha...so kind right.

Ehh...the month of June hor...I forget what happen le so I am unable to recount.

Hmm...here I just wish to say Praise the Lord for my brothers and sisters in S23, which has become my second family :) and I am grateful to Him for the gathering of the Aquarium.

Now we have arrived at the phase where spiritual growth, integration of new friends as well as evangelism has become top priority. And I must confess that I did not see the actual seriousness of this until recently. Now my dear brothers are carrying heavy loads and it is all I can do to help them with it. May the Strength of the Lord be with us all. Farewell.

Oh well...I suppose I haven't spoken of light hearted things because my heart is a little heavy...why? I really have no idea. Perhaps it will fall apart after I have completed my evil IHT project haha....and there is the speech and also the OB and the econs and the food science!

OOOOhhhh. Die le larx haha. But all shall be completed according to His will. Farewell once more. Haha. I promise the next entry will be alot better. Toodles. :)

13th June 2006

2006-06-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

Aha. Very long never blog liao it seems. I think this time I'll rid of the singlish rubbish.

Alas! My computer broke down as all knew (if all had read the previous entries) and thus a new computer has surfaced to take its place. For all its functions, I would say the price is reasonable but to the eyes of one who is not wealthy, I'm afraid that it is still perceived as rather steep. But enough of this! Troubles come like a great storm since the last computer broke down, to the extent of threatening the book that I have painstaking written from scratch. It took me several years to reach this point, moving from first draft onwards. This is the third draft and my most beloved. It is my dream and vision to have it completed and finally publish.

You know, its a strange thing. But before the computer "perished", I had a gut feeling that I ought to store my work carefully. At that time I was always thinking, "What if the computer broke down one day? Your work will be lost!" But always I replied, "Will such misfortune come so soon?" And indeed such misfortune has come. Perhaps the Lord spoke to me and warned me. Such is the folly of closing eyes and ears to the counsel of the Lord. Still praise God, not all is lost. I have a copy with Alvin....though its a rather old version. I have made many additons since I sent him. I may have to retype again if the file recovery fails.

Today I have read a great book, a book of Faith and entitled Faith also. Fantasic. Indeed it is a book of great wisdom and great counsel of which I will and I must heed. Yet it is no mere task to simply conjure a solid foundation of faith and there are many shrouds lying here and there in my mind...the work of the devil runs free upon this Earth. I must trust in the Light of God to guide my way. Hahahaha....I can only laugh. Why? Nay nay, I do not laugh at the light of the Lord.

I laugh because such is the folly of so many christians these days. In their heart, doubt and unbelief grows like a huge tree and yet from their mouth they give the Lord the utmost praise. In prayer also they will praise Him ever so much and asks that He fulfill their desires and needs. But they have no faith to speak of and what faith they claim to have...they are most probably deluding themselves. And I suppose that I cannot claim to have great Faith either. There is great spiritual warfare all the time and battles rage in my heart. Faith and doubt are ever at war. How shall faith prevail?

It is a long road ahead. The journey to build the tower of faith begins now and I will strive to see it completed. Behold and receive even before you have received it, for the Lord will have granted to you ahead of time. I shall work then, towards faith. And I look forward to the day when I will be able to walk without fear, brimming with confidence and knowing that no evil may befall me when I am filled with faith and of the Word of God.

It is a long road ahead indeed. But it is one that must be taken. Otherwise one has never been truly saved. Haha...even now doubt is kicking in...oh there is so much doubt in the air. It shall take great willpower to overcome and a powerful mind or great risilience and persistence.

Today I must ARISE AND WALK. THE JOURNEY OF FAITH BEGINS. The Lord be with me. Amen.

7th June 2006

2006-06-07T20:01:00.000+08:00

Woot!! Song ah! I have regained the ability to msn!! At first ah like very not used to it, since one week never touch msn le ma :P den slowly bit by bit my fingers regained the old and ancient strength that was in them and the spirit of msn was upon me and thus I was filled with a joy long forgotten.

Nay nay, indeed I must say that my com will not and will never be renewed by tools and sorts and thus I am living now on a "loaned" laptop. Though old com cannot be fixed, fortune has been kind to me and new com coming soon ahaha. I must say that I have been strangely fortunate. I was actually prepared to go without a com for some time.

So far TP got 2 tests liao, both studied quite hard la and quite manageable also, thank god. Now left the last paper, Intro to HTM and hopefully SS is not the host for the paper. Later must study again. Sianed. Cannot let SS take me down another peg. My hand will slap hard before that happens. Motivation!! By the evil of SS!!

But still yay. Hols is upon us it is time for great merry and the meeting of old friends. Tidings will be born and matched and knowledge will be gained and lost. Lol. Such is the implication of the hols! Farewell. There is much I must tend to.

30th May 2006

2006-05-30T16:33:00.000+08:00

Folks! I am terribly sorry indeed for my recent absence or shall we say, the lack of activity on thus blog. You see, recently some tragedy has befallen me and indeed it is the worse tragedy ever since I have to reboot my com some 1 year ago. This time, my computer is indeed down again, depriving me of my beloved msn and also songs and writing. I can only pray that the book which has paintsakingly taken me several years to come up with up to this point will not be deleted and lost. Fortunately I have a copy of it with Alvin, though it is a rather old and unedited version. Still, not all is lost. All that is old must die I suppose and my monitor is already 8 years old. Let us hope that it is only monitor problem and not the CPU fault.

Ok la, I end liao. I'm in school now and supposed to do BCS project lor. Slacking is not fun. I feeling guilty. Lor. Shiok sim muz die ok? haha...jk larz. Dear friends and blog readers, if ever should you see another entry again, you will know that my com has been restored its powers. Should you never see any entry ever again, you will know that my com still lies like a corpse, dead and lifeless.

Farewell.

24th May 2006

2006-05-24T18:15:00.000+08:00

Aha. Today arx, I come forth to complain! Oh well haha..not really larx, its just that I don't like the Intro to Htm tutor. What an extra...nevermind.

That time she chase WY and Nich out I already don't really like her lor. Calm down la? Hair only wad...wth is the problem lor. Ok la, arguments can come against me, saying what, Business school people should dress well la, be appropriate...fine I have nothing to say lor...want to be so prim and proper even though no presentation is going on, not my business. I just don't like her la. My dislike for her doubled today. My grp as usual la, full of rubbish de, especially with barnabas inside...so she came lor and spoke to Ruo wen, say "Are you comfortable with this group? I sense that this is a fun grp and I cannot count on their ability to work." Dunno y also la, but I wasn't happy with that. So she thinks we have no self discipline? So she puts us down like that? And she perceived us with seriousness and as I mentioned hor, that I si bueh cannot stand, since the situation has not yet called for it. If she will not smile, I will not smile also. But I tell you, I will work de. She has made me quite mad lor...I will do every last thing in my power to prove her wrong. If she thinks my school people dunno the meaning of work hor, I will show her. Basket. Even if I will work 24 hrs a day I don't care le...I will not let her be right. I will make sure I submit quality work, even if it kills me. Fortunately I have group support, I believe that they also wish to discredit her words with solid proof and that may only come from excellence. If she perceives me with great seriousness, with great seriousness I will perceive her and treat her also.

LOL....sry arx...muz rid of the little bit of anger I have there in my heart. Sianed...see la! Complaints do take up so much space...I have alot to blog de leh...haha...now cannot le. Tmr ba!

23rd May 2006

2006-05-23T16:20:00.000+08:00

Hello. Wassup. Allow me to recount a small part of the day's events. Wah I slept at 3.15 am lar, so super sian, research like siao for the Media essay, like pung sai liddit...whatever sai also donlt have lor. Read until my eyes seeing spots. Then I surrendered lor...switch to teen suicides BAM! Click search nia all the goodies come out. sianed. See la...act hero try do special topic and suffer. Teen suicide got like surplus of info larz...waste my time...zzz. Shiok sia! 3 articles, den I email myself den went off. Woke at 8, rush to TP to study OB and print research.

Today not bad la, quite song. OB MCQ test was like surprisingly easy...lol but I may have spoketh too soon...maybe all wrong lol.

After a short break got the Essay for Communications Skills. Shiok la I tell you. Dunno how long never sit like that and write liao. Song lor...I miss sec school essay writing sessions hehe. Was super engrossed la and din realised that people finished and left the room until Jin Sheng did...but then he was just beside me. The Evil References made it less fun but on the whole still ok la. Was quite happy with my own work, but horx...the question lyk farny farny de. I'm not sure I answered it. Lol...cham cham...if out of point arx die liao.

Writing is like such a major part of my life and I am always happy when writing...hehe. So today the test I found it considerably song haha. One day I must continue my book le...very long never touch liao...how to finish by the end of 3 years?

22nd May 2006

2006-05-22T18:07:00.000+08:00

Hello! I have come forth once more and allow me to recount the events of the day which I can assure you now are not many.

Just last week Sis HuiJun was was talking about what happens when you pray early in the day, before you set out to ensure a nice and smooth day for indeed the Lord will guide you then. I rarely pray in the morning but today I did and lets see what happened.

I went out, towards Tampines 201 to take Bus 8 early in the morn abt about 8.30 am, to TP. So I went past Noel's house and all the way there, singing as I did so, the songs of CHC. When I reached the bus stop, 8 came but a great multitude was gathered at its doors and they hindered my passage in thus I missed my bus. But I said to myself, the Lord is gracious and he would counsel patience, surely he would send another bus to receive me for I hated to be late. Thus I waited for awhile.

8 came again but! Behold! So crowded was this 8 that the bus did not even pause to stop at the bus stop! I panicked for I was about to be late and within, I asked the Lord why? I prayed for a smooth day and the first thing was unsmooth already! I decided to cab but how? For 201, from experience is not a great place to flag cabs! And the Lord answered me. Bus 38 was sent my way and I was prompted by the Lord to make quick decisions. He seemed to say "Board the bus, take it home and there you will find many cabs eager to take you for here where you stand is a barren land for cabs." Normally I would not have done it becuse eh dumb right? You walk 2 bus stops from your house and now take bus back? So dumb!

But today I saw the bus and immediately I boarded it. 2 Bus stops down, I alighted and immediately, there was an abundance of cabs and it took me less than a minute to flag one and I took it, at a fairly cheap rate, to TP, with 5 mins to spare that I may walk to the LT. Haha. When I reached then, I felt blessed and I thanked him for delivering me to school on time. Would this count as a testimony? haha. Perhaps.

This day I have written my first piece of dedication to the Father in Heaven. Unfortunately it was done during lecture to keep me awake LOL. May the Lord forgive me :) You may access this and another which I have done about the dullness of lectures from the blog...there is a link to MY POEMS...hehe

18th may 2006

2006-05-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

Wa allow me to recount the events of the day!!

Today horx, I tell you arx, today very unique I say becoz horx, a great part of the days's events took place early in the morning. How early you ask? If i say 12 am you will tio shock not? No arx? Sad leh. OK la. What was I doing at 12 arx. Project lorx. This food science report on field trips to restaurants and supermarkets arx...si bueh hiong leh...sianed. Take velly long to finish de lorx. I last night arx, chiong ar chiong, 2 hrs haven't finish half lorx. Anyway arx, me and my group la, together online, started working at midnight and work ar, work, discuss arx dicuss, then do until I sot diao. Started to sing national day song la and er...Ultraman Taro theme song...dunno y I still can remember leh...hahax...and also the indian children's day song...wad....muneruvali bah munaaru yan drum de larx. Lol...if not sot liao den is what? Siao liao lor...but same meaning larx aiyo.

Anyway work and work arx...until 5 leh...cham right? Slowly one by one ppl come msn ask why I haven't slp. Heng heng I doing serious thing or else arx, very guilty de lor. Ahh...actually in the middle want to watch Friends and distress de...but watch 5 mins ai koon liao...better nt lor. Want to stay up, muz do funny stuff. Eh...forget what I do leh. I think use stick play kungfu master. Anyways hors, me ar....slp at 5+...den wake up at abt 9 lorx...supposed to meet kloong de, den oversleeped. Sianed. Ar...den I come sch lor, have to print and print alot of funny labbish la. Den gao dim sai, song song go up for tutorial which was fun. Den go for lecture want to koon..but halfway started to tok cock den ok liao.

Haiz...now arx I come BCS lab to waste time, wait for Karen and do HTM quiz lor. Later go bugis liao den no time to do le. If miss cham cham liao. Counted de horx dis one...got marks le. But open book de!! SONG BO!

SONG LA? SONG!!....Lol...doesn't sound like me hor?

13th May 2006

2006-05-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

Lols...you know arx, I actually now very lazy to blog leh. But when I start to write, suddenly there is this flow of words that makes me wanna continue. Thus I shall.

Ok, wah the blog gonna be long sia. I shall not elaborate lor...skip details kk? OK!

Today meet 9 April, Samantha and Wanping...den horx...one by one late lehs...piangz...i reach on time den sms April "reach le" den she still can reply me "wah u v punctual"...zzz..in the end stone at busstop until 9.30 den all come xcept WP. Research 201 market liao, the stall holders so dao de..zzzz...decided to go TM NTUC, but reach dere we take bus to bedok, passing by 201 again...lol...v silly. Haha but bedok market ppl v fun to tok to. So research finish liao again go back TM wait for WP to come...haha...den go Macdonalds kena jabbed in the ribs by some 4 yr old..lol...really made me jump. After tat i chiongz away lo...gtg expo for BS. Left they 2 go pak tor haha.

K la! Reach expo liao, hengz nvr late, meet Jeremy, Karen, Ariffin and Su Zhen for BS la and there I learnt a lot lor. Then go for svc, songs very full of strength and flame, too bad my throat no gd larx...muz b fri night yell too much le lol. After svc we go Changi Airport eat...lol...first time sia. Den v farny lor....reach liao, they take sky train. Sky train come out liao started to chiong lol...I see Abel chiong first...den i tot eh siao liao arx? Den CKL also siao, eric and michelle also chiong so I follow lorx. Lol...run ah run ah...run also duno for what. Lol...later found out tat they chiong to book seats at Popeye becoz a big grp on the sky train also want to go there eat LOL!! Some pro strategy. In the end also queue and w8 for tables until abt 1 hr lol.

After eat finish le hor, tok cock la...Alvin started telling terence about NS lol...v interesting de...den after tat michelle say want zao liao. So I and Jonathan also go lor...late leh and abel stay jurong side de lol. All of a sudden arx, Abel started to chiong again...wa piangz lor...haha...run ah run ah, past many a great crowd, weaving in here and there....i tink ppl all tot we sot liao...lol. Den suddenly arx!! Abel stopped a guy and ask him take photo for us!! LOL...damned farny la he...at first i dun believe i tot he joke de...den in the end really take...i tink muz have looked v stupid to the crowd. Pic take liao den chiongz again...Abel arx...chiong until his phone also forget le lol. All like running to catch ou xiang lor....haha bunch of siao ppl...me, abel, jonathan, apple, qiaofen, michelle, khar loo and eric...haha. Nvr run liddit for a long time le....thru airport somemore u kno how big nt? hehe. In the end me, KL, qiao fen and mich take cab lorx...share home...siao...xtra charge 5 bux...taxi driver smiling all the way home sia. Lao ah pek :P...lol actually he nt tat old.

Anyway, here concludes the end of my wonderful sat, well spent with great ppl and great friends haha. But no hw done leh...cham cham liao arx. Neway, goodnight all, I cut into sunday liaoz...haha...4G of VS, AEP of VS, A202 of MJ, 1J02 of TP roxes!! And I love S23 of CHC!! Cheers!! haha. I thank him for all these people into my life for they are great blessings indeed!!

11th May 2006

2006-05-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

Aha here I sit and while my time upon a keyboard of many great and little sounds when they click and tick away with finger's touch. Free access Lab 41 lol...is where I am seated and near the doorway too. The door is wide open for indeed the lab is free access. The door is grayish and a glass panel is fitted somewhere near the top. In this great room of many coms, only I am left, with the company of four girls who are strange to me. Thus the room is ever silent save the sound of the keyboard at work and the humming of the machines and small chat and discussion behind me. Other than that, there is nothing great spectacular about this little hole where I have chosen to wait until 5 where I would meet my friend at the TP Library. Sian hor? I think so.

Haiz...very sad larx. Just now arx, had very intersting lecture on Food science and product knowledge about meat and poultry products. But of course being me, I had to sit next to the class clown who successfully deviated my attention from the lecture by using the weapon of jabs. Zzzz...I guess I simply have no choice but to re read all that was taught today during lecture myself and hopefully I will not have missed much. Sianed. I promise to sit away from clowns in the future.

Anyway, tomorrow is Vesak Day! Cheers! Haha...nay nay, I am not cheering for the festive occasion it represents but for the holiday! Hahaz...I am glad lorx that I may spend time in familiar company tomorrow since I have missed S23 dearly. My confidantes have slipped off msn one by one and now its difficult even to find someone for a good online chat. Sianed. Lol...zzz...hopefully 1J02 don't organise outing tomorrow...lol...a clash of outings = cannot go out with class people. Haha...sianed again. I have often looked to opportnities to bond with the class, so that I may come out of the shell of silence sooner than I have ever achieved and that they may see me for who I am lorx. Hehe...for indeed I'm not the quiet and "guai" person many people have believed me to be. I had almost all the teachers in VS fooled. Zzzz...

Lol...blog entry getting long liaoz...haha...in the end also no one read de. Entry length doth put off some readers. Farewell for now dear readers. I am sianed and must go off to seek new pleasures and activities that will seek to dim my boredom. Whoohoo...this weekend will be mugging weekend...sianed. Haha...why am I so often sianed? Few people would know I guess for this is not about workload but of other matters. I desire to speak with others. Farewell once more.

8th of May

2006-05-09T19:06:00.000+08:00

Hello good folks! Its been awhile since my last entry! Alright, I must say that up until this point of time, life in TP has been great haha...and for this I am really glad because I truly don't regret, not at all for having chosen poly over JC.

Many people have the misconception that Poly life is a slack one, its not really, I've come to realise that also. We may start late, but we end late also and our workload is nothing less than what the JC people are undergoing. Its only the third week! Just that by working in groups, projects have been made fun lor, especially since there are a bunch of clowns in 1J02 and I'm quite psyched to be learning about what I wish to learn. But a little intimidated la haha, many of my classmates seem to have way more experience than I. But they're great and fun people :)

I've never been able to settle into a new environment this quick...MJ took like more than a month? Jason helped me alot there la haha...great friend he is. I am comfortable with where I am by the second week and thus TP really rox...haha.

Also I wish to praise the Lord for it was after I have learnt to embrace him, that my life has become alot easier, that I have able to walk with a straightened back, with greater confidence, cheer and a greater self esteem. The Lord has guided me thus far and I praise Him with great praise for the peace and happiness that he has brought me and also for the great many things I have learnt during service. For all friends and family I shall continue to pray for and let the Lord shower all with his blessings and his vast love!

Hallelujah! Great thanks to Sis Hui Jun and Alvin for their advice, thanks to Qiao ru for bringing the four of us together after 5 years, thank all of S23 for making having made me feel like part of the family and thank the Lord for having made all this possible! Praise the Lord!

A202 Rox

2006-05-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

A long weekend has come and gone. A lonely gray couch. "Oh look!" cried Ned. And then the Kingdom was his forever The End.

Sry...for those who aren't fanatics of Friends what I posted above should hold no meaning in the eyes of the reader. =P

Alright. I shall not bear complains about poly life here la (not that I have much) and neither shall I complain about the people (not much either!). In Summary, for those who wish to know, I would say that Poly life has been rather great and slack thus far and MOST of the lecturers aren't boring. As for my class...well now its rather divided but hey, only one week's past and I do look forward to building great rapport with them all, thus quite happy about group work. Subjects are fun so far save Econs and BCS since both subject and lecturer are as dull as each other.

Well a day back was the MJ class outing of A202 which was really great haha. The initial plan was to gather at White Sands for lunch before heading towards Pasir Ris park to cycle...lol so I expected a little crowd. But in the end only 4 of us met up and the plan was aborted. They decided to watch a movie called Aqua marine ....nice show (but its targetted audience are teenage girls), but it wasn't outstanding since the outcome was predictable and its like some fairy tale (The Little Mermaid)

Then we proceeded to the Waterside! Haha...condo in Tanjong Rhu where I used to hang out at Pri 5....an abode of an old friend whom I've lost touch with. It was just really nice to see old classmates again ...well haha not very old but they have been missed. Afterall I loved MJ not because of the school, not its facilities, not its teachers but the class! A202 rox! Haha. It was interesting to find out what the rest have been up to since we parted and there was much mirth and nonsense and fish! No, nothing to do with cats =P...

Ok....see its very late and I've a class at 10 tomorrow! Farewell good folks! Haha I love A202! Keep in touch people!

20th April - TP Orientation

2006-04-20T19:57:00.000+08:00

Aha today is the beginning of the official TP orientation for the Business sch. I'm quite relieved to find that on the overall, few people actually went for the optional orientation. Thing is, today wasn't as great a day as I hoped it would have been. Mainly because I didn't find out that much about my course except stuff that is all textbook and during year one it seems like alot of theory stuff...and possibly MATHS?!?!?! so I'm abit Zzz...

Well next would be my tutorial group. Lol...a rather quiet bunch, like me at the start so not really complaining but still, didn't talk much to people today. I also realised that a surprising number of people from VS actually went to TP but I only know them by sight so still alone at TP...Zzz. A surprising number of people enrolled into my course which in short is CCM hehe...but not all enrolled by choice. I think many people's first choice is Tourism and Hospitality...lol.

Ok la, overall it wasn't bad enough that I must skip tomorrow but it wasn't fun enough for me to say YEAH LETS DO IT AGAIN! In fact I'm relieved that its going to be over and that its only lasted two days. For what its worth, I'd say MJ's orientation rox! Haha. Anyway, I also noted that most TP students L1R5 below 15! hehe...there are courses with 8 pts on average! That's like wow. Ok I don't wish to keep this long, so I'll end this here. Hope that I may interact more with my classmates tomorrow.

Nine Elements

2006-04-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

Here comes tale of Nine where born by Nature, Earth and sky, beheld by Wind and Storm, come all come all, all in one eye, my eye, mind's eye, all in one eye.

Fire, flame, ember! Dance forth, leap forth! Into the fray! Burn lick leap away! Display thy fury upon the field, cast in golden, orange hues!

Frost, snow, ice! Come, come, winter's sting! Chill, bite and howl! White and blue sparkle away! Beauty, wrath and fury grand, cast thy wrath upon the land!

Wind, breeze, gale! Howl, cry, bellow, scream! Behold the storm upon thy wings! Trees bent, stones fly, mammals flee, people cry! Gray cones come, twist and grow, one great wave, blow wind blow!

Light, silver, gold! Sparkle, glitter, glimmer! Lo water's shimmer! Lo grass' glow! Lo golden sun! Lo silver moon! Shine forth rays a million, stars winking high in heaven!

Lightning! Thunder! Black clouds bunch and grow! Flash, strike, rumble, bellow! Ho light, light the sky! Rip the darkness with thy flash! Break thy silence with thy cry!

Rock, mountain, stone! Silent, solid, standing tall! Oho, bone of the earth! Oho secrets untold! Behold that of greatest lifespan! Behold the lord of the land!

Earth, soil, ground! Hush hear its voices sound! Crack, shake, shatter, boom! Move, move and spell great doom! Come all praise that which thy often treads! Upon that which bears burden of thy weight!

Water, rain, river! Bubble and skip, leap away! Streams and brooks, oceans and seas! Breeding of life, much dear to thee! Forth forth catch the droplets as they fall! Crystals aglimmer, mine eye sees them all!

Life, life, ever so sweet! Aglow with silver's sheen and formless I deem you! Come speed growth of tree, hear the laughing of the breeze! Earth, flower, moving things all and the echoes of mountain's call! Lo life's children! Lo with eyes apart! Behold thy true mother's work of great worth! Thus thou can walkst upon this good earth!

So Nine, indeed Nine of Nature carefully chosen...against darkness that grows, powers of hell against heaven.